Nurse Jokes / Recent Jokes

A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on thedelivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the topof a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and saysto the doctor, "Are you my dad?". The doctor says, "No, I am your doctor!". With that, the baby popsright back inside. "Damn!", says the doctor. A short while later he sees the head pushthrough again. "Are you my dad?", asks the baby. "No, I am your doctor.", he replies. Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother's womb. The doctor turns to a nurse and says, "Nurse, get that baby's fatherin here right away-we may have a situation on our hands!". Momentslater the baby's father is in the delivery room, and the baby's headonce again pops out. "Are you my dad?", the baby asks of the father. The father replies, "Yes, little baby, I am your father!" The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the more...

A woman gives birth to twins, a girl and a boy. Her husband isn't there, and she doesn't want to name them without him seeing them first. But the hospital insists that the babies must be named by the end of the day. Crazy Uncle Louie overhears this and he names them (unbeknownst to the couple). Later the husband arrives, and the happy couple are set to name the babies when a nurse informs them that Uncle Louie already took care of that. "Oh no!" they cry. "He's crazy and doesn't know what he's doing. What names did he pick?" The nurse says, "Well, he named the girl Deniece." "Whew, not bad. In fact, that's nice. And how about the boy?" "Denephew."

There's this old man in a nursing home and he's hornier than hell. So he sees this cute nurse and says, "How about a quickie for twenty bucks?" She agrees and gets on top of him. They go at it for about ten minutes. After the act, the old man says, "You know, if I knew you were a virgin, I would have paid you a hundred bucks." In reply, the nurse says, "If I knew you could get it up that high, I would have taken off my pantyhose!"

Q: Did you hear about the army nurse who went to bed eating popcorn? A: She woke up with a kernel between her legs.

Four nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for, whom they all felt was an arrogant jerk. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor.
The first nurse said, "I stuffed cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear."
The second nurse said, "I let the mercury out of his thermometers and painted them all to read 106 degrees."
The third nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all of the condoms that he keeps in his desk drawer."
The fourth nurse fainted.

Four nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for, whom they all felt was an arrogant jerk. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor.The first nurse said, "I stuffed cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear."The second nurse said, "I let the mercury out of his thermometers and painted them all to read 106 degrees."The third nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all of the condoms that he keeps in his desk drawer."The fourth nurse fainted.

Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It`s gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."

"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."

"NO!!!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won`t feel guilty and depressed afterward!"