Nurse Jokes / Recent Jokes
Jack went to see the camp nurse.' I fell last night,' he said.' And I was unconscious for eight hours.' The nurse was shocked.' How awful. What happened?'' I fell asleep!'
Chinese Baby A Chinese couple had a new baby. The nurse brings them over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, black baby boy. "Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents. "What will you name the baby?" The puzzled father looks at his new child and says "I think we will name him "Sum Ting Wong."
3 nurses go into the morgue, and there's a dead man's body lying there, with an erection. The first nurse sees it, and says "I'm gagging for it", gets atop the man and has her way with it. The second nurse says "Aye, so am I, shame to let it go to waste", and she does the same. They turn to the 3rd nurse and ask her if she is having a go. She replies she is having her period, and declines. One of the nurses reply "He's dead anyway, he'll no bother". The last nurse agrees with this, gets on and does her thing too. Just after she finishes, the dead man sits up. The nurses ask him "We thought you were dead!", and the man replies,"After two jump starts and a blood transfusion, you wouldn't be dead either!".
Top Ten Signs That It's Going to be a Bad Shift
10. The previous shift tells you, "Things have been quiet."
9. You walk onto the floor and someone from the previous shift says, "Is it that time already?"
8. You run into the pharmacist at the elevator, he hands you a case of Prozac and says, "Here, this is for your floor."
7. Your phone rings 4 hours before your shift and they beg you to come in early.
6. After giving report, the nurse yells from the elevator, "Oh, by the way, they're' pleasantly confused'."
5. While driving to work, every radio station is playing "Knockin' on Heaven's Door".
4. As soon as you walk in, someone hands you scrubs and says, "Here, you'd better put these on."
3. You come in and find one of the previous shift nurses openly weeping at the nurse's station.
2. The nurse about to give you report looks up from her notes and asks, "How many R's in more...
A man goes to a doctor for a physical checkup. The nurse starts with certain basic items. "How much do you weigh?" she asks.
"One-seventy."
The nurse puts him on the scale. It turns out that his weight is 183.
The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"Five-eleven."
The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5' 8 1/2". She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high.
The man explains, "Of course it's high. When I came in here, I was tall and wiry. Now, I'm short and dumpy."
Top Ten Reasons To Work An Overtime Shift On The Weekend
10. Think of all the weight you'll lose from not getting to eat because of short staffing.
9. Think of the closeness you'll develop with you're co-workers after being knee-deep in Code 10's/Blues and Code "Browns".
8. Everyone is so frazzled, so next to them you look fabulous!
7. Think of what a challenge it will be to your nursing skills to run a Code without a Crash Cart because they are all down in Central being replaced.
6. The joy of having the previous shift's charge nurse tell you, " I don't understand why no one would return my calls to work today/tonight. Oh, and by the way, you are short two nurses and a CNA for this shift with a full house of patients sick as dog dirt."
5. Because you're a new grad and you want to be a "TEAM PLAYER" like your head nurse told you to be. (That and you have "sucker" stamped on your forehead!)
4. When you go home more...
The ninety-year-old man was in for his checkup when the nurse practitioner learned he was about to marry an eighteen year old girl. "Now, Mr. Jenkins," the nurse practitioner warned, "you should know that when a man your age marries an eighteen-year-old girl, somebody could get hurt." The old man shrugged, "If she dies, she dies."