Nurse Jokes / Recent Jokes
A doctor had just delivered twins. They were a boy and a girl. The head nurse brought them out for their father to see. He could hardly believe his good fortune. The girl baby had a pink blanket wrapped around her and the boy baby was enclosed in a blue blanket.
He took one step forward just so he could touch the babies and believe they had finally arrived. As he started to touch them the nurse took a step backwards and said, "You can't touch those babies. You aren't sterile!"
With out missing a beat, he retorted "You're telling me!"
The drunk stumbled into a podiatrist's office, mistaking it for a whorehouse.
The nurse asked him his name, then told him to go behind the screen and stick it out. So, naturally, the drunk weaved over the screen, dropped his pants, and stuck his dick through the screen.
The nurse walked over, shrieked, and dropped her tray of instruments. "That's not a foot!" she screamed.
The drunk replied, "Sshorry, lady! I didn't know there was a minimum!"
Top 10 Reasons to Become a Nurse
10. Pays better than McDonald's (though the hours aren't as good.)
9. Fashionable shoes and sexy uniforms.
8. Needles:' tis better to give than to receive.
7. Confidence in reassuring patients that all bleeding stops. .. eventually.
6. Opportunity to expose yourself to rare, exotic, and exciting new diseases.
5. Interesting aromas.
4. Courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly clear handwriting.
2. Celebration of holidays with all your friends. .. at work.
1. Comfort in the knowledge that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.
A Doctor dies and goes to hell. The devil greets him and tells him that since he was doctor, and did some good that he could choose his eternity. The devil opens the first door, there are doctors hanging from their ankles being whipped by demons. "Oh my God, I don't want that", the doctor replies.
The devil opens a second door to reveal doctors on fire being chased by huge beasts. "That one is even worse!" says the doctor, getting more nervous.
The devil opens a third door to reveal doctors in lounge chairs being served tropical drinks by gorgeous, scantily clad nurses."Sign me up for that eternity!" the doctor states. The devil then slams that door and says,"You can't go there, you weren't supposed to see that." The doctor states why can't I go there? The devil replies, "Well.... that's nurse hell."
Top Ten Things You Need To Know To Be A Nurse
10. If it's wet make it dry.
9. If it's dry make it wet.
8. Always ask for on-call pay before agreeing to overtime.
7. Never tell management what you are really thinking.
6. Never finish report with, "You have an easy assignment".
5. Never say. "This looks like a easy assignment".
4. Don't expect nurses aids to do their job.
3. Don't expect doctors to believe any thing you tell them.
2. If you don't have enough time to do everything, take about 30 minutes to complain about it.
1. If it moves, rattles, shakes, falls down, or won't stay in place: tape it.
A doctor came out of a patient's room. So the nurse went in to check on her patient. There she found the husband scratching his head and frowning.
"What's wrong?" asked the nurse.
"Well, I don't think that doctor knows what he's talking about." The husband said.
"Oh, Really?" Replied the nurse.
"Yeah, He said my wife has acute angina. And I've seen it!"