Observation Jokes / Recent Jokes

Katz's Law:Men and women will act rationally towards each other only after all other possibilities have been exhausted.Churchill's Commentary on Man:Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.Sattinger's Law:It works better if you plug it in.Cahn's Axiom (aka Alien's Axiom):When all else fails, read the instructions.Beckhap's Law:Beauty times brains equals a constant.Cole's Axiom:The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.Jone's Motto:Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.The Ultimate Law:All general statements are false.Knight's Law:Life is what happens to you when you're making other plans.Krueger's Observation:A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government.Benchley's Law of Distinction:There are two kinds of people in the world; those who believe there are two kinds of people and those who don't.Harver's Law:A more...

Editor's Note: It's dry parody. You gotta really like sci-fi to enjoy this one...

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Experiment 8 Postflight Summary
NASA publication 14-307-1792
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ABSTRACT

The purpose of this experiment was to prepare for the expected participation in long-term space based research by husband-wife teams once the US space station is in place. To this end, the investigators explored a number of possible approaches to continued marital relations in the zero-G orbital environment provided by the XXXXXX shuttle mission.

Our primary conclusion is that satisfactory marital relations are within the realm of possibility in zero-G, but that many couples would have difficulty getting used to the approaches we found to be most satisfactory.

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INTRODUCTION

The more...

A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on
autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.


"You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing
is that you must have no sense of fear."

At this point, the lecturer
sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, pulls it out, and then licks it.
He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them.
After a couple of minutes' silence, they follow through with his disgusting
command.

"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of
observation: How many of you noticed that I stuck my middle finger into the
corpse's anus, but I licked my index finger?"

In a job interview for policemen the applicants are shown a profile picture of a man, and the interviewer says, "The job that you''re applying for requires powers of observation. Make one observation about this man."

The first applicant enters and says, "This man has just one ear."

"Get out!!" screams the interviewer.

The second applicant enters and says, "This man has one ear."

"Get out!!" screams the interviewer again.

Then the third applicant gets up to go in for his interview. The first two guys are out there and they tell him, "The guy that''s giving the interview doesn''t tike to hear that the man in the picture has one ear."

"Thanks for the tip" says the third applicant.

So the third applicant enters, stares at the picture for a while and finally he says, "This man wears contact lenses."

The interviewer is more...

In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared minds.

Cropp’s Law: The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office.
Bo Diddeley’s Observation On The Law: Always take a lawyer with you, and bring another lawyer to watch him.
Bolub’s Fourth Law of Computerdom: Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.
Deadline-Dan’s Demo Demonstration: The higher the “higher-ups” are who’ve come to see your demo, the lower your chances are of giving a successful one.
Demian’s Observation: There is always one item on the screen menu that is mislabeled and should read “Abandon hope all ye who enter here”.
DeVries’s Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don’t want hits the paper.
Dr. Caligari’s Comeback: A bad sector disk error occurs only after you’ve done several hours of work without performing a backup.

In a job interview for policemen the applicants are shown a profile picture of a man, and the interviewer says, "The job that you're applying for requires powers of observation. Make one observation about this man."

The first applicant enters and says, "This man has just one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer.

The second applicant enters and says, "This man has one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer again.

Then the third applicant gets up to go in for his interview. The first two guys are out there and they tell him, "The guy that's giving the interview doesn't like to hear that the man in the picture has one ear."

"Thanks for the tip" says the third applicant.

So the third applicant enters, stares at the picture for a while and finally he says, "This man wears contact lenses."

The interviewer is impressed and says, more...