"Laws of Life" joke

Katz's Law:Men and women will act rationally towards each other only after all other possibilities have been exhausted.Churchill's Commentary on Man:Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.Sattinger's Law:It works better if you plug it in.Cahn's Axiom (aka Alien's Axiom):When all else fails, read the instructions.Beckhap's Law:Beauty times brains equals a constant.Cole's Axiom:The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.Jone's Motto:Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.The Ultimate Law:All general statements are false.Knight's Law:Life is what happens to you when you're making other plans.Krueger's Observation:A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government.Benchley's Law of Distinction:There are two kinds of people in the world; those who believe there are two kinds of people and those who don't.Harver's Law:A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.Rule of Accuracy:When working towards the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.Finagle's First Law:If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.Finagle's Third Law:In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.Rudin's Law:In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.Ginsberg's Restatement of the Three Laws of Thermodynamics:You can't win.You can't break even.You can't quit.Quantized Revision of Murphy's Law:Everything goes wrong all at once.O'Toole's Commentary:Murphy was an optimist.Murphy's Constant:Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.Firestone's Law of Forecasting:Chicken Little only has to be right once.Ralph's Observation:It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize you are in a hurry.Murphy's 3rd Military Law:Friendly fire ain't.Murphy's 4th Military Law:The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.Murphy's 5th Military Law:The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.Murphy's 6th Military Law:The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.Murphy's 7th Military Law:The farther you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.Murphy's 8th Military Law:Incoming fire has the right of way.Murphy's 9th Military Law:If your advance is going well, you're walking into an ambush.Murphy's 10th Military Law:The quartermaster only has two sizes, too large and too small.Murphy's 11th Military Law:If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.Murphy's 13th Military Law:The only thing more accurate than incoming fire is incoming friendly fire.Clarke's Third Law:Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.Weiler's Law:Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.Peter's Placebo:An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labour:People are always available for work in the past tense.Grossman's Misquote:Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.Ducharme's Precept:Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.Perkin's Postulate:The bigger they are, the harder they hit.Conway's Law:In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.Stewart's Law of Retroaction:It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.Horngren's Observation (generalized):The real world is a special case.Shirley's Law:Most people deserve each other.Gold's Law:If the shoe fits, it's ugly.Colson's Law:When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.Comin's Law:People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.Mencken's Metalaw:For every human problem there is a neat, simpl

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