Hurry Jokes

It was a busy morning, approximately 8: 30 a. m., when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9: 00 am.
I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him look at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.
On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.
While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.
I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer' s Disease.
As we more...

A mother-in-law visits her son-in-law before leaving for a trip. They are sipping coffee and chatting. Suddenly, mother-in-law looks at the clock and jumps off her chair exclaiming, "My god! It's already three P. M. I'm about to miss my train!" She begins to put her clothes on in a hurry. At this moment, the son-in-law's daughter runs up to her and before he can do anything and announces, "Don't hurry, granny! Daddy moved the clock two hours ahead!"

A woman passenger in a horse-drawn cab has offered the driver
a large tip if he can deliver her to her destination in a
hurry. However, she is horrified at the cruel whipping the
driver is giving the horse to make him go faster.
"My good man, is there no other way you could urge the horse
along?" she asks.
"Yessum," the cab driver cheerfully replies, "but, I've got
to save his balls for the hill!"

A guy rushes into a bar, orders four expensive thirty-year- old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him.
Then, without pausing, he downs each one.
"Whew," the bartender remarks, "you seem to be in a hurry."
"You would be, too, if you had what I have."
"What do you have?" the bartender sympathetically asks.
"Fifty cents."

A guy enters a bar and tells the bartender to line up 10 shot glasses and start filling them with whiskey.
As the bartender is filling them, the guy is gulping them down, one after the other.
"Hey, pal, what's the hurry?" the bartender asks.
"If you had what I have, you'd be doing the same thing!" replies the man.
Backing up, the bartender asks, "What do you have?"
"About 75 cents!" the man replies.