Official Jokes / Recent Jokes
Guess the following movie quotes. All movies were released between the years 1980 and 1989. Comedies, dramas, action, etc. Some are quite simple, and others are more difficult.
There are 37 items, followed by the answers at the bottom, so you may wish to save reading this for a less hectic portion of your day.
1) Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?
2) We're on a mission from God.
3) People on' ludes should not drive.
4) This house is clean.
5) Shall we play a game?
6) Terrific!! I've got a trig mid-term tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.
7) Back off man, I'm a scientist.
8) That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else.
9) I know a little German. He's sitting over there.
10) Can I borrow your towel, my car just hit a water buffalo.
11) Excuse me, Dick, I mean Rich, will milk be more...
Three contractors. . . One from Pakistan, another from Germany and the third from England are bidding to repair the White House fence. A senior White House official takes them to examine it.
The English contractor: takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works on some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says. "I figure the job will cost $900. . . $400 for materials, $400 for labour and $100 profit for me."
The German contractor: also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. . . $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Pakistani contractor doesn`t measure or do any figuring, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: " $2, 700."
The official incredulously says, "You didn`t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
"Easy," the Pakistani explains, "$1, 000 for you, $1, 000 more...
(Forwards at the Betty Ford Clinic for Y2K compulsives...)
Press Release: For general release
Date: December 9, 1998
REDMOND, WA (API) - MICROSOFT (MSFT) announced today that the official release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will be delayed until the second quarter of 1901.
Geekonics By John Woestendiek Philadelphia Inquirer Wed., January 8, 1997
NEWS BULLETIN: Saying it will improve the education of children who have grown up immersed in computer lingo, the school board in San Jose, Calif., has officially designated computer English, or "Geekonics", as a second language.
The historic vote on Geekonics - a combination of the word "geek" and the word "phonics" - came just weeks after the Oakland school board recognized black English, or Ebonics, as a distinct language.
"This entirely reconfigures our parameters," Milton "Floppy" Macintosh, chairman of Geekonics Unlimited, said after the school board became the first in the nation to recognize Geekonics.
"No longer are we preformatted for failure," Macintosh said during a celebration that saw many Geekonics backers come dangerously close to smiling. "Today, we are rebooting, implementing a program to process the data we need more...
A Namibian official's claim that Britney Spears plans to have her next baby in that nation has been denied by one of Spears' representatives. Incidentally, it was that same Namibian official who started the Richard Gere gerbil rumor.