Often Jokes / Recent Jokes

Wisdom too often never comes, and so one ought not to reject it merely because it comes late. Felix Frankfurter

Top 10 Ways to get Drunk for Five Dollars or Less
Number 10. Be a frosh (freshman).
It's not true that every frosh can be knocked into unconsciousness by waving a tom collins under their nose, but as those of us who go hunting for frosh on "New Kids night" at the local dance holes know, the phenomena is not rare. Frosh are usually young, inexperienced, and sometimes even illegal to entice into your boudoir. If anyone can get drunk on five bucks, it's them.
Number 9. Be female.
Chivalry is not dead! While you ladies can't expect guys to risk their life, or miss an episode of star trek for you, you may still be able to get some alcohol out of them. Try standing around the bar, sipping water with a grimace on your face. Dress smutty. Smile at guys as they walk by, the drunker geekier the better. If you want to get more than one drink out of a guy start talking about how hot it is. Act intoxicated. Become even more friendly. At an appropriate time have a friend more...

This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 8 inches long. The
functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes, is usually
found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of
a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the
other. In use, it is quickly inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes
slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is
thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often
quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements. Anyone found listening
in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting
from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves
behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need
cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from its long
glistening shaft. After everything is done and the flowing and
cleansing liquids more...

Advantages of dating older women...An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night and ask you, "What are you thinking?" An older woman doesn't care what you think.An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him.An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup of herbal tea.An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.Older women can run faster because they're always wearing sensible shoes.There's no need to be phobic about "committing" to an older woman - the last thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny, dependent man.Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are an asshole if you're acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, just in case more...

I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some people
think he should be.
Then, I remember it's because he sucks.

All workers please be advised of the following changes to the travel policy.MemorandumTo: All EmployeesFrom: HeadquartersSubject: Business Travel Policy GuidelinesDate: June 16, 2000Due to fiscal constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees on travel for official business. The purpose of these policies is to save money, thereby decreasing overhead.TransportationIf commercial transportation must be utilized, the lowest cost tickets will be purchased. Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase in extreme circumstances and, the lowest fares will be used. If, for example, a meeting with a customer is scheduled in Seattle, but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle. Bus transportation will be utilized whenever possible.Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transport is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure more...

HUSBAND 1.0 There are alot of pressures to upgrade from Boyfriend 6.0
to Husband 1.0. However before doing so make sure you understand the
implications of this change...
For one, system activity will be severely limited and you will be compelled
to instigate rigorous daily routines in space management, garbage disposal
and disc cleaning often with an accompanying increase in system
administration. This program can also be a drain on many resources and
demand constant attention. You will encounter an increased amount of
interrupts and error messages, while the program often cancels processes
without warning, very often crashing the system. In addition, Husband
1.0 often refuses to respond to your commands and frequently appears to
be running processes which you have not authorised. If this happens
alot, do not respond to any interactive requests from the program and
severely limit demand for extra bytes.
Every evening there will more...