Oil Jokes / Recent Jokes
Storming into his lawyer's office, a Texas oil magnate demanded that divorce proceedings begin at once against his young bride." What's the problem?" "I want to hit that adulterin' bitch for breach of contract," snapped the oil man." I don't know if that will fly," said the lawyer. "I mean your wife isn't a piece of property; you don't own her!""Damn right," the tycoon rejoined, "but I sure as hell expect exclusive drillin' rights!
So basically one of the biggest environmetnal disasters in history was caused by a gigantic fart.
You might be a Malayali..........
If you can fit four passengers in the front seat of an Ambassador taxi, while in the back there are eight passengers and two children with their heads stuck out of the window, chances are, you are a Mallu going to attend your cousin's wedding.
If you can run, ride a 100 cc motorbike without wearing a helmet, and playfootball, all while wearing a lungi tied halfmast, Malayali status!
If your late father left you a part of an old house as your inheritance, and you turned it into a "chaya kada" yes you're a Malayali.
If you have more than 5 relatives working in Gulf, Big Time Malayali..
If you have the words "Chinchu Mol + Jinchu Mol" written on the rear window of your Omni car, Yes, You ARE a Malaayli.
If you refer to your husband as kettiyon; ithiyan, pillerude appan, guess what? You're a Central Travancore Syrian Christian Malayali.
If you have a tamilian parked in front of your house every more...
There are a lot of folks that cant understand how we ran out of oil here in the USA. Well, heres the answer: Its simple......... nobody bothered to check the oil. Didnt know we were getting low. And of course the reason for that is geographical. Most of the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma, and all the dipsticks are in Washington, D. C.
Three men are traveling in the Amazon: a Canadian, an American, and a Mexican. They get captured by a fierce tribe of Amazons. The tribe leader tells them they will be whipped for entering their territory. The tribe chief says to the Candian, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?" The Canadian responds, "I will take oil!"So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times. When he is finished the Canadian has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move. The Amazons haul the Canadian away, and say to the Mexican,"What do you want on your back?" "I will take nothing!, I will take my punishment like a real man!" says the Mexican, and he boldly stands there and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch. Finally, it's the Yank's turn and the tribal chief asks:"What will you take on your back?" And he responds - " I'll take the Mexican! "
Time to do the inner-blonde test! Pay close attention! There are 10 questions, so you should be able to answer them all in 5 minutes. DO NOT look at the answers found at the end of this document, that would be cheating! Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference!
1. Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?
2. If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills taken?
3. I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being woken by the alarm?
4. Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?
5. A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left?
6. If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light more...
Intelligence Test Instructions:
Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready? What is the time?
Start.
1) Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________
2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________
3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________
4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get? ____________________
5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? ___________________
6) If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where more...