Oil Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was a businesswoman who just made a million dollars for an Arabian Oil Sheik. When she was leaving the Oil Sheik offered her Diamonds and rubies and a Silver-plated Rolls Royce, but she declined. The Sheik insisted so she said that she just started to golf and maybe a set of golf clubs would be nice. A few weeks later she received a telegram from the sheik. “So far I have bought you 3 golf clubs. I hope you aren't disappointed that only 2 of them have swimming pools."
There was a businesswoman who just made a million dollars for an Arabian Oil Sheik. When she was leaving the Oil Sheik offered her Diamonds and rubies and a Silver-plated Rolls Royce, but she declined.
The Sheik insisted so she said that she just started to golf and maybe a set of golf clubs would be nice.
A few weeks later she received a telegram from the sheik.
So far I have bought you 3 golf clubs. I hope you aren't disappointed that only 2 of them have swimming pools."
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? How do you get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the grass? How do you get off a non-stop flight? How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink? How do you throw away a garbage can? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman? If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it considered a ham-hock? If a turtle lost his shell, is he homeless or naked? If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe? If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from? If I save time, when do I get it back? If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit? If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers? If swimming is good for your shape, more...
Are you familiar with the company BP? It’s one of the world’s largest gas companies, and its CEO is stepping down due to allegations that he was involved in a relationship with another man. And the news isn’t completely unexpected, because for awhile I thought it odd that the types of fuel they have at BP are Regular, Super, and Absolutely Fabulous.
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do' practice'?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why do scientists call it' re'search when looking for something new?
If vegetable oil's made of vegetables, and olive oil's made of olives. .. what is baby oil made of?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Time to do the inner-blonde test! Pay close attention! There are 10 questions, so you should be able to answer them all in 5 minutes. DO NOT look at the answers found at the end of this document, that would be cheating! Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference!
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1. Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?
2. If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills taken?
3. I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being woken by the alarm?
4. Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?
5. A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left?
6. If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp more...
"Harlen, I want you to buy me a divorce," the big Texan boomed to his attorney. "That wife of mine ain't behavin' right. She's MY woman and she's supposed to do what I say."
"Well, R. J., a wife isn't exactly property, you know," the lawyer said. "You don't own her the way you own an oil well."
"Maybe not," R. J. conceded, "but I damn well oughta have exclusive drilling rights."