Olympic Jokes / Recent Jokes
How come Mexico never has a good Olympic team? Because all of the mexicans that can run, jump, or swim are in the U.S.
I was walking through the Olympic village in Munich when I seen a man walking along with a long stick over his shoulder. I asked the man `are you a pole vaulter?` and he replied `no I`m German and how did you no my name is Volter?`
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he shows his wife the purchase he just made." Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?" "They're in three colours", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze." "What colour are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily." Gold of course", says the man proudly! The wife responds wryly, "Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!".
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made. "Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?" "There is three colours", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze." "What colour are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily. "Gold of course", says the man proudly. The wife responds really, "Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!".
The Olympic Games in Atlanta were tough to get tickets to. Three locals struck upon a scheme to sneak in pretending to be athletes.
The first grabbed a long pipe off his plumber's van and entered, telling the security officer:' Johnson, pole vault.'
The second grabbed a hub cap out of his truck, and ran past the guard shouting:' Billy Joe Anderson, discus.'
The last got a large roll of barbed wire from his truck, but was stopped at the gate when he said:' Smith -- fencing.'
The Top 9 Signs Your City Used Bribes to Become an Olympic Site
9. IOC members seem unconcerned over scheduling conflicts due to the yachting, diving and swimming events all being held in the 34th Street YMCA pool.
8. All 75 of the new hires in the mayor's office are named either Ingrid or Sven.
7. After Philadelphia lands the Summer Games, Juan Antonio Samaranch sports a hood ornament that looks strangely like the Liberty Bell.
6. Only someone bribed with hookers and college tuition wouldn't think the term "New York City Hospitality Committee" is an oxymoron.
5. Karl Malone is now playing forward for the Utah Samaranches.
4. T-shirt for sale in the hotel lobby: "My dad went to Salt Lake City, and all I got was this T-shirt and college tuition."
3. "Miss Salt Lake" for 1999 requires a translator to deliver her coronation speech.
2. New Olympic mascots: Vinny and more...
A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, "But we don't know anything about each other."
He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along."
So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer. This was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, "That was incredible!"
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly more...