Operation Jokes / Recent Jokes
STATE OF CALIFORNIADEPARTMENT OF INSURANCE 1700 "J" STREETSACRAMENTO, CA 95368PETE WILSON HARRY WALBRATHGOVERNOR DIRECTORBULLETIN NUMBER 95-2374DATE: OCTOBER 20, 1995TO: ALL CALIFORNIA INSURANCE AGENCIESALL CALIFORNIA DEALERS OF NEW/USED AUTOMOBILESFROM: CALIFORNIA DEPARTMENT OF INSURANCESUBJ: AUTOMOTIVE VEHICLE HEADLAMP DIMMER SWITCH1. Pursuant to the California Department of Motor Vehicles Act Number DMV 95-79221, all motor vehicles sold in the State of California after November 1, 1995 will be required to have the headlamp dimmer switch mounted on the floor of the vehicle. The dimmer switch must be mounted in a position accessible to operation by pressing the switch with the left foot. The switch must be far enough removed from the left foot pedals to avoid any inadvertent operation and/or pedal confusion. 2. Included in the above act, and beginning January 1, 1996 all other vehicles with steering mounted switches must be retrofitted with a floor mounted dimmer switch of more...
There was a showing of the Russell Crowe movie "Master and Commander" in trendy Glenelg, a seaside suburb of Adelaide on 12th December, 2003.
During the movie, four patrons collapsed vomiting with the result the cinema was cleared and, fearing an environmental air problem, surrounding streets were evacuated. Most of the Adelaide police force was in attendance along with fire engines galore. My radio station was keeping us all posted and it sounded quite serious. Friday night in Glenelg is the place to be for outdoor dining and shopping in extremely up-market shops and it takes a disaster of monumental proportions to empty this place.
During this movie, which takes place on a very lurchy boat on an equally lurchy ocean, there is an operation performed with primitive instruments - enough to turn your stomach it seems, which is exactly what happened. A patron was feeling seasick and the operation just topped it all off and she hurled and three others more...
A man with a stuttering problem tries everything he can to stop
stuttering, but he doesn't succeed. Finally, he goes to a
world-renowned doctor for help.
The doctor examines him and says, "I've found your problem.
Your penis is 12 inches long. It weighs so much that it is
pulling on your lungs, causing you to stutter."
"Wa-wa-wa-what's the c-c-c-cure, d-d-d-doctor?" asks the man.
"We have to cut off 6 inches," replies the doctor.
The man thinks about it and, eager to cure his stuttering,
agrees to the operation.
The operation is a success, and the man stops stuttering. Two
months later, he calls the doctor and tells him that since he
had the 6 inches cut off, all of his girlfriends have dumped
him, and his love life has gone down the tubes. He wants the
doctor to operate to put the six inches back on.
Not hearing anything on other end of the line, the man repeats
himself, more...
"I think I have a problem, Doc," says a patient. "One of my balls has turned blue."
The doctor examines the man briefly and concludes that the patient will die if he doesn't have his testicle removed.
"Are you crazy?!" bursts the patient. "How could I let you do such a thing to me!"
"You want to die?" asks the doctor rhetorically, at which point the patient has to agree to have his testicle removed.
Two weeks after the operation, the patient comes back. "Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue, too."
Again, the doctor tells him that if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off, too. Again, the man is very reluctant to the idea.
"Hey, you want to die?" asks the doctor, and the patient has to agree with the operation. After two weeks of being testicle-less, the patient returns to the doctor and says, "I think something is very wrong with me. more...
Fred goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, I want to be castrated."
The doctor says, "Look, I don't know what kind of cult you're into or what your motives are, but I'm not going to do that sort of operation."
Fred replies, "Doc, I just want to be castrated and I'm a little embarrassed about talking about it, but I have $5,000 cash right here. Will you do it?"
The doctor says, "Well, okay, I guess I could make this one exception. I don't understand it, but alright."
He puts Fred to sleep, does the operation and is waiting at the bedside when Fred wakes up. "Well, Doc, how'd it go?" Fred asks.
"It went fine, just fine. It's really not too difficult of an operation. As a matter of fact, $5,000 is a lot to pay for such a simple task and I felt a little guilty about taking that much. So, while I was operating, I also noticed that you had never been circumcised, so I went ahead and did more...
After her fifth child, Lucy decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there. Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed. Who are these from? " she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them." "Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks." "Ahhh, thats really nice" said Lucy." The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!""Brilliant!" said more...
Picasso's mistress was losing her eyesight so he took her to an opthomologist in Paris. Upon examination, the doctor reported that nothing could be done and she would soon become blind. Picasso then sought out the best eye doctor in all of France, but got the same prognosis. He even took her to the best doctor in all of Europe, to no avail. He then decided to take her for a trip around the world so that she could see the sights before totally losing eyesight. They were in San Francisco when they saw a sign reading "Sam Smith-Eye Doctor, Free Consultation". Picasso figured that it couldn't do any harm to try this doctor as she was going to be blind anyway. After a thorough examination, Dr. Smith reported that when he did an operation in cases like hers that it would cure her. Picasso agreed to have the operation performed. After the operation and a few weeks of recovery, the doctor removed the bandages, and what do you know, she could see 20/20. Picasso was overjoyed and more...