Operation Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same more...

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB: -Responsibility makes me nervous. -They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.
REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB: -Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches. -I was working for my mom until she decided to move. -The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.
JOB RESPONSIBILITIES: -While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility. -I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.
SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES: -Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job. -My goal is to be a more...

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:-Responsibility makes me nervous.-They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning.Couldn't work under those conditions.REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:-Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.-I was working for my mom until she decided to move.-The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:-While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.-I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:-Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.-My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have more...

A friend of mine had a liver transplant over in a Pittsburgh hospital. The day after the hospital the surgeon came in for a visit.
"How does your side feel," the surgeon asked.
"My side feels pretty good, but my throat really hurts."
"Let me see the dressing on your side," the surgeon said.
"But Doc, my throat. What's wrong with it?" asked my friend.
"Well, I might as well tell you." said the surgeon. "Yours was a special operation watched by many students in a big amphitheater. The two hour operation went perfectly. The students were so impressed they all stood up and applauded. The applause went on so long, I decided to take out your tonsils for an encore."

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"He said, "I heard the nurse say,' It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'""She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?""She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"
He said, "I heard the nurse say,' It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"

A man walks into a bar and sits next to a beautiful lady." May I buy you a drink?" the man asks the lady." Sure, but one thing I have to confess before you get intimate is that I was once a man," she responds." Whoa! I would have never known if you hadn't told me," the man says shocked, "Well what was the worst part of the operation? Was it when they sewed on those gahoonas?" "No," she says calmly." What about when they cut off your.." "No," she says hesitantly." Well what was the worst part of the operation?", the man asks." Well, the worst part has to be when they removed half of my brain!"