Operation Jokes / Recent Jokes

I was in las Vegas, when a man walked up to me and "Sir do you have a extra $
20.00, my wife badly needs an operation that costs $1000.00. I have $980.00 and just need the last $20.00"
Well I thought about it and asked the man, "How will I know that you are not going to walk into that casino and gamble it away?
The man replied "No sir... I have money for gambling."

An old Jewish couple was sitting around one evening and he says to his wife, "Sarah, we are about to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, so tell me, have you ever been unfaithful to me?" She hesitated a while and said, "Yes, 3 times." "Three times!? how did it happen?" he asks." Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were broke and the bank was going to foreclose on our little house?" "Yes, that was really a terrible time." "Okay, well do you remember when I went to see the banker and the next day he extended our loan?" It is hard to believe," he said, "but I guess it really was for us and I can forgive you." She continued, "And do you remember years later when you almost died from the heart problem because we couldn't afford the operation?" "Of course I remember." "Well, then you also remember that right after I went to see the doctor he did your operation at no more...

I was in las Vegas, when a man walked up to me and "sir do you have a extra $20.00, my wife needs an operation that costs $1000.00. I have $980.00 and just need the last $20.00"Well I thought about, when I ask the man, how will I know that you are going to walk into that casino and gamble it away.Well the man replied "No sir... I have money for gambling."

A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so
after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the
minor of three possible operations.
The operation is performed, but a month later, she's still not
pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he
recommends the medium operation, a somewhat more serious
operation, but still not as complicated as the third alternative.
But, there's still no result, and another month later she's back
in the doctors office, and this time she gets the big one.
After having recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes
normal marital activities, and this time they actually succeed in
conceiving a baby.
Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular
examination during pregnancy and says, "We're so happy doctor, we're finally having a baby. But what was this
third operation actually all about? The first two weren't that more...

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play.
It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market.The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.
The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive98 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a more...

Dear Santa, How are you doing? I hope you've had a successful year and have come up with a lot of interesting toys. It's really neat how you're able to do that year after year. I guess that's how you stay number one in the Christmas presents business business. Actually, I admire the way you run Christmas. You really have a handle on it. You find out what people want (with letters like this and having kids tell you in person), and then you make the presents and control how they are delivered. It's an impressive operation. I also like how you've got it to where when somebody says "Christmas presents," people automatically think Santa Claus. What a marketing advantage. Best of all, even though you're a huge success, people still don't know much about your private life. It's just rumors. That's so neat. I think being at the North Pole helps. That was a good move. For example, when you're designing toys, only your elves know what you're doing, and you're way up there where nobody more...

Bill Gates died and, much to everyone's surprise, went to Heaven. When
he got there, he had to wait in the reception area.
Heaven's reception area was the size of Massachusetts. There were
literally millions of people milling about, living in tents with nothing to
do all day. Food and water were being distributed from the backs of trucks,
while staffers with clipboards slowly worked their way through the crowd.
Booze and drugs were being passed around. Fights were commonplace.
Sanitation conditions were appalling. All in all, the scene looked like
Woodstock gone metastatic.
Bill lived in a tent for three weeks until, finally, one of the
staffers approached him. The staffer was a young man in his late teens,
face scarred with acne. He was wearing a blue T-shirt with the words TEAM
PETER emblazoned on it in large yellow lettering.
"Hello," said the staffer in a bored voice that could have been the
voice of more...