Operation Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy who has a stuttering problem goes in to his doctor and says "Ex-ex-ex-cu-cu-se m-m-me d-d-oc but I I I have th-th-this st-st-stuttering problem and I I I was wo-wondering if you c-c-c-could help m-m-m-me." "Well take off your clothes and get into this gown and let me check you over." The guy gets into the gown and the doc begins his check-up." The doctor is quite surprised: "I see what the problem is your penis is so large that it's pulling on you abdominal muscles which in turn is causing a strain on your vocal chords." "W-w-w-well c-c-can you h-h-help m-m-me?" "Sure I can but we'll need to cut off about 8 inches""I-I-I-I can't t-t-t-take this an-any more do it." Six months later the guy goes back to the doc. "Well doc I must say that the operation was a great success but my sex life really sucks and I would like my operation reversed. Please put back what you took off". The doc replies more...

Q. My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out? A. Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers. Q. What happens if I press both shift keys? A. Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $139. 95. Or you might not, it's your computer, but don't say I didn't warn you. Q. my religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuationA. Discuss alternatives to the shift key with your spiritual advisor. Perhaps more...

Q. My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?
A. Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.
Q. What happens if I press both shift keys?
A. Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $139. 95. Or you might not, it's your computer, but don't say I didn't warn you.
Q. my religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuation
A. Discuss alternatives to the shift key with your more...

A woman tells her doctor she would like to have an operation because her vagina lips are much too large. She asks the doctor to keep the operation a secret as she's very embarrassed and doesn't want anyone to find out. The doctor agrees.
When she awakens after the operation she finds three roses carefully placed on the table beside her bed. Outraged, she immediately calls the doctor and shouts, "I thought I told you to keep my operation a secret!"
"Don't worry," the doctor says, reassuringly. "I didn't tell a soul."
"Then where did these roses come from?" she asks.
"The first is from me," explains the doctor. "I felt very bad because you went through all of this by yourself. The second is from my nurse. She assisted me with the operation and understands what you're going through since she's had it done herself."
"Well, who's the third rose from?" the woman asks.
"The third one is from more...

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation.
A nurse stopped him, and asked, "What's the matter?"
He said, "I heard the nurse say, It's a very simple operation. Don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right."
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"

A young lady is in the hospital for an operation.She says, "Doc, how long after my operation will I have to wait until I can have sex again?"He says, "You know, Miss Stukowski, you're the first person who ever asked me that before a tonsillectomy!"

A woman was having a medical problem - her husband's snoring. So she called the doctor one morning and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering."
"Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras."
"My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "it sounds like leasing a new sports car!"
"Humm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"