Opinion Jokes / Recent Jokes

These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?" The Saudi says, "What's a shortage?" The Russian says, "What's meat?" The North Korean says, "What's an opinion?" The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me?? What's excuse me?"

The doctor said,' Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration.

You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for.

He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought,' That's what I need... A new suit.'

He entered the shop and told the salesman,' I'd like a new suit.' The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said,' Let's see... size 44 more...

These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"The Saudi says, "Whats a shortage?"The Russian says, "Whats meat?"The North Korean says, "Whats an opinion?"The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me?? Whats excuse me?"

If athletes get athlete's foot, astronauts get missile toe. A bird dog could be called a point setter. James Fenimore Cooper wrote about the life of Santa Claus in his novel The Deer Sleigher. What's the difference between a one-winged angel and a two-winged angel? It's a matter of a pinion! It's a matter of my opinion that Yule love the game we're about to play. In each sentence below, fill in the blank or blanks with an expression commonly used at Christmastide. Answers repose at the end of this column. 1. On December 24, Adam's wife was known as _____ _____. 2. In Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol, Scrooge was visited by the ghost of _____ _____. 3. An opinion survey in Alaska is called a _____ _____. 4. What does Santa Claus do with his three gardens? _____, _____, _____5. What Christmas message is conveyed by these letters?: ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. _____, _____6. When the salt and the pepper say "Hi!" to each other, they are passing on _____ _____. 7. A holy man more...

A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it.
Doctor: Your tonsils gotta come out.
Patient: I wanna second opinion.
Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too.

A pollster was taking opinions outside the United Nations building in New York City. He approached four men waiting to cross the street: a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a resident New Yorker. He asked, "Excuse me, I would like to ask you your opinion on the current meat shortage?" The Saudi replied, "Excuse me, but what is a shortage?" The Russian said, "Excuse me, but what is meat?" The North Korean replied, "Excuse me, but what is an opinion?" The New Yorker replied, "What is' excuse me'?"

Every time someone has an opinion I disagree with, I think of that old saying my grandfather used to tell me:
"Opinions are like assholes: you touch one kid's opinion, all of a sudden you're banned from teaching public school."
I never got to see my grandfather that much.