Opposite Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?What WAS the best thing before sliced bread?What would chairs look like if our knees bent the other way?If you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?If you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy, would you get a rash of good luck?If all the world's a stage, and all the people players, why isn't there better acting on' Baywatch'?If a no-armed man has a gun, is he armed?If you got into a taxi and the driver starts driving backwards, does she/he owe you money?If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
If the prefix "con" is the opposite of the prefix "pro", then is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?
To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.
1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a' cheers for the sex would pretty much do it.
2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.
3. Valentine's Day would be moved to 29th February so it would only occur in leap years.
4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
5. The only show opposite' Monday Night Football' would be' Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.'
6. Instead of' beer-belly,' you'd get' beer-biceps.'
7. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
8. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.
9. When the Police pull you over, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. Example - Cop:' You know how fast you were going?' You:' All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place.' Cop: Nice one, that's $20 off.'
10. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.
11. Every more...
Acute: Opposite of an ugly
Artery: The study of paintings
Bacteria: Back door of a cafeteria
Barium: What doctors do to dead patients
Benign: What you are after you're eight.
Bowel: Letter like A, E, I, O, or U
Cat scan: Searching for a kitty
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her
Cesarean Section: Neighborhood in Rome
Colic: A sheep dog
Concussion: A prisoner's sofa
Congenital: To be friendly
D & C: Where the White House is
Dilate: To live too long
Enema: Not a friend
Fester: Quicker
Fibula: A small lie
GI series: A soldier ball game
Hangnail: A coat hook
Impotent: Distinguished, well known
Jaundice: To include in a group
Kinesthetics: Relationships among relatives
Labor pain: Getting hurt at work
Leper: A wild cat
Malaria: Shopping place
Medical staff: A doctor's cane
Morbid: A higher bid
Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates
Node: Was aware more...
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?