Oral Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Priest gets a call from one of his golfing buddies on a Saturday afternoon. "We've got a tee time at 3: 00 and need a fourth... can you make it?" Sadly the priest tells his friend that he has to hear confessions and cannot make it. His friend urges him to get a substitute. Well, being the only priest in this parish, he hasn't many choices. As he ponders his dilemma, he sees the custodian cleaning the church." Hey, Joe... can you help me out??" He explains his dilemma and asks Joe if he would hear confessions for him." Oh, no I wouldn't have any idea what to do!!"." Joe, don't worry... I have this card, you see. When someone confesses their sin, you look on the card... find the sin... and follow it over to the appropriate penance... it's that simple... here comes the first penetant... try it!!"So Joe goes into the confessional and the first penetant comes in and kneels before the screen..."Bless me Father... I have sinned... I have had more...
A new priest was beginning in the Church confessional. His predecessor had given him a list of sins and their punishments.
The door opened and a man entered. "Forgive me Father for I have sinned," he began. "I have stolen."
The priest looked up stealing on the list and told him to say one Hail Mary.
The next time the door opened, a woman walked in. "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I had oral sex with the window cleaner."
The priest looked up oral sex on the list but couldn't find it. He opened his door and called out to the cleaning lady, "What does Father John give for a blow job?"
"$12.50 if I take me teeth out."
A new priest was beginning in the Church confessional. His predecessor had given him a list of sins and their punishments.The door opened and a man entered. "Forgive me Father for I have sinned," he began. "I have stolen."The priest looked up stealing on the list and told him to say one Hail Mary.The next time the door opened, a woman walked in. "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I had oral sex with the window cleaner."The priest looked up oral sex on the list but couldn't find it. He opened his door and called out to the cleaning lady, "What does Father John give for a blow job?""$12.50 if I take me teeth out."
The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a plane crash over the Atlantic Ocean. Tragically they all died and went to the pearly gates together. St. Peter was surprised to see them. "Oh, dear! We weren't expecting you and your quarters aren't ready yet. We can't take you in and we can't send you back!" Getting an idea, he picked up the celestial phone and called Lucifer. "I have three gentlemen who are ours, but their places aren't ready yet. Could you put them up for a couple of days? I'll owe you one." The Devil reluctantly agreed.Two days later, St. Peter got a call. "Pete, this is Lucifer. You have to come get these three guys that are yours. This Pope guy is forgiving everybody, the Graham fellow is saving everybody, and Oral Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning!"
The reason it's always so difficult for this president to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is because it's usually three different stories. --Sam Donaldson
If the president could convince every woman in America that the Bible says oral sex is not adultery, he'd even have my vote. --Newt Gingrich
What's wrong with extending my probe? The president did the same thing. --Kenneth Starr
The special prosecutor is asking me to give oral testimony to the entire Grand Jury. --Monica Lewinsky
Shouldn't the president be held to the same standards as a TV sportscaster? --Marv Albert
The president should promise to spend the rest of his life trying to find the real person who had oral sex with the intern. --OJ Simpson
If I had to spend all day trying to find jobs for every bimbo who swore she didn't have sex with the president, I'd never get any of my own work done. --Vernon Jordan
The president more...
In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the minister. The minister asked the janitor, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me? I really have to go to the bathroom and the Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on and on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done just give her 10 Hail Mary's and I'll be right back."
Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected the Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession. "Oh Father, I have truly sinned, I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex."
Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation. Surely 10 Hail Mary's would not do. So, in a moment of desperation the janitor peered his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, "Son, what does the minister give for oral sex?"
The altar boy said, "a Snickers bar and more...