Oral Jokes / Recent Jokes

After having been commissioned by God to take a survey of how man was doing on Earth, St. Peter now stood before his boss ready to present his findings.
"Tell me, St. Peter, what have you found out?" God asked. "I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but the people are behaving in a sinful manner. There's drugs, alcohol, murders, you name it-a regular Sodom and Gomorra. But the worst is this new obsession with oral sex. According to my survey, 88% of the population is doing it. I'm afraid it has reached epidemic proportions.
"Hmmm," said God thoughtfully, "Do you have any recommendations as to what should be done to put an end to this sexual perversion?"
"I think we should send a message to everyone on Earth who engages in oral sex.
The contents of that message should tell them exactly what will happen to them on Judgment Day if they do not stop this type of activity," replied St. Peter.
"That is an effective more...

The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a plane crash over the Atlantic Ocean. Tragically they all died and went to the pearly gates together.

St. Peter was surprised to see them. "Oh, dear! We weren't expecting you and your quarters aren't ready yet. We can't take you in and we can't send you back!"

Getting an idea, he picked up the celestial phone and called Lucifer. "I have three gentlemen who are ours, but their places aren't ready yet. Could you put them up for a couple of days? I'll owe you one." The Devil reluctantly agreed.
Two days later, St. Peter got a call. "Pete, this is Lucifer. You have to come get these three guys that are yours. This Pope guy is forgiving everybody, the Graham fellow is saving everybody, and Oral Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning!"

After having been commissioned by God to take a survey of how man was doing on Earth, St.Peter now stood before his boss ready to present his findings.
"Tell me, St. Peter, what have you found out?" God asked. "I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but the people are behaving in a sinful manner. There's drugs, alcohol, murders, you name it - a regular Sodom and Gomorra. But the worst is this new obsession with oral sex. According to my survey, 88% of the population is doing it. Even four out of five dentists recommend it. I'm afraid it has reached epidemic proportions."
"Hmmm," God said thoughtfully, "Do you have any recommendations as to what should be done to put an end to this sexual perversion?"
"I think we should send a message to everyone on Earth who engages in oral sex. The contents of that message should tell them exactly what will happen to them on judgment day if they do not stop this type of activity." more...

After having been commissioned by God to take a survey of how man was doing on Earth, St.Peter now stood before his boss ready to present his findings.
"Tell me, St. Peter, what have you found out?" God asked. "I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but the people are behaving in a sinful manner. There's drugs, alcohol, murders, you name it - a regular Sodom and Gomorra. But the worst is this new obsession with oral sex. According to my survey, 88% of the population is doing it. Even four out of five dentists recommend it. I'm afraid it has reached epidemic proportions."
"Hmmm," God said thoughtfully, "Do you have any recommendations as to what should be done to put an end to this sexual perversion?"
"I think we should send a message to everyone on Earth who engages in oral sex. The contents of that message should tell them exactly what will happen to them on judgment day if they do not stop this type of activity." more...

Standardized Guide to the Bases Do you remember middle school/junior high/high school? If so, do you remember talking about 'the bases' with your friends?"Yeah man, at the dance, X and Y went behind the gym and they got tosecond base!"Well that was cool and all, but what the hell was secondbase? Tongue kissing? Up the shirt? Noone was really sure. Also, thebases tended to get progressively more intense as you got older. What's aperson to do? Here, we mourn the passing of using baseball ananlogies to describesexual activity. But let's face it, there are more than four stages intodays day and age of sex play. So, in the interests of both bringingbaseball sex metaphors in line with the complications of modern romanceand with standardizing the bases, we present the Standardized Guide to theBases.First, let's examine what the bases could have meant in the old days. -First Base- This was almost always kissing, although one guyI knew thought it meant holding hands. Sometimes it was more...

Some ground rules to help people determine if the sex counted. This list of rules can also be very helpful to determine if you have cheated on your spouse or significant other.

1. Oral Sex does not count.

2. If you can't remember the person's name the following day, doesn't count.

3. If you failed to call the person back to have more sex, doesn't count.

4. If neither of you achieved orgasm, doesn't count.

5. Sex with a friend, doesn't count, it's just another thing you share.

6. If the act was so lame, you leave thinking "Did I shave my legs for this", doesn't count.

7. An old flame, doesn't count.

8. An ex-spouse, doesn't count, refer to this as a "pity fuck".

9. Masturbating in front of someone while they do the same, sorry, not sex.

10. Cyber-sex - NO WAY - this is glorified masturbation.

11. 2 heterosexual women having fun, not more...

This same university conducted a similar project on the Clinton presidency. Of course, Clinton's oral history focused on Monica Lewinsky.