Orange Jokes / Recent Jokes
A primary school teacher heard children wailing and crying and rushed to the playground to see what was wrong. There, she found Mark, Kwesi, and Laura, the latter crying furiously. When she asked what had happened, Mark told her, "Kwesi took Laura's orange. Then she hit him on the head and called him several dirty names, and he kicked her in the stomach." The teacher replied, "Well, then, we'll all have to go to the headteacher's office. Where is the orange now?" Mark smiled and produced the orange from his pocket. "I have the orange. I'm Laura's lawyer."
An old man goes to the doctor and says "Dr., I don't know what's wrongwith me. My dick is orange." The Dr. tells him to pull down his pants and let him take a look. Hehas no idea what is wrong so he asks the guy if he has recently paintedanything orange. The old man said "No." The Dr. thinks for a minute and then asks the guy if he has recentlybeen exposed to any chemicals at work. The old man said "No, I'm retired." The Dr. then asks the guy if he could have been working with anychemicals in his garage. The old man replied "No Dr., I told you, I'm retired. All I do is sitaround all day, watch pornos and eat Cheetos...
A girl walked over to her neighbors for her morning chat session. When she got there, her neighbor remarked how tired she looked. "Yeah" she said, "I didnt sleep well last night, I had this really strange dream." "Do tell" said her neighbor, pouring the coffee. "Well, I dreamed I woke up and went downstairs as usual, but when I looked in the mirror my face had turned orange, and my hair was sticking straight up out of my head and was green!" "Sounds like you turned into a punk rocker or something" the neighbor said, with a grin. "No" she said, "It wasnt like that. It was as if I knew something was wrong, but it seemed normal somehow, you know what I mean?" "Sure" said the neighbor, "Everybodys had dreams like that." "Well anyway" she continued, "I decided to go down and get the mail, because even in my dream, I figured I must be dreaming, so what the heck if I was orange, you know? more...
One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, “Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it? ”
The student replied, “Here’s an orange. ”
The professor was livid. “No! No! Think like a lawyer! ” The student then recited, “Okay, I’d tell him, ‘I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, calim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding…”
The Most Complete List Of Ways To Annoy People, Cops, Your Roommate, And More.
Annoy People
1. Pay tolls with $100 bills
2. Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the middle of the parking lot
3. Eat produce at the market; don't buy it
4. When giving directions, leave out a turn or two
5. Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April
6. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons
7. Knock and ask "How is it going?" to someone constipated in a public bathroom stall.
8. Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front of lines
9. Announce when you're going to the bathroom
10. Chew other people's pencils
11. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
12. Wear large hats during the movies
13. Touch strangers
14. Tell little children the truth about Santa more...
A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange."
Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange.
Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life."
Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at work?"
The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago.
The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress.
Guy responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening."
"I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy." So the doc figures this isn't the reason.
He asks the guy, "How's your more...
What does it mean when you see an orange and turquoise sewer lid? You`ve found the Polish Howard Johnson`s.