Ouch Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two men and a woman were the sole survivors of a pleasure cruise shipthat sank in the Bermuda Triangle. They made it to an uninhabited island.Two weeks later the woman jumped off a cliff because she was so ashamedof what she was doing.Two weeks after that the two men buried her because they were so ashamedof what they were doing.Two more weeks passed by and the men dug her up again-being so ashamedof what they were doing.
A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher. "don't worry, ya, " he said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping." Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."
*** Things that can and do bother the "normal" person. ***
Having to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thingy in the middle of them.
The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle. The same person that gives you a "blank stare" when you look at them.
There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.
You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
It's bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don't realize it till you walk across your living room rug. Especailly since you don't even have a dog!
There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror and
discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth.
You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette.
You slice your tongue more...
The blind date hadn't been all that great and she was relieved the evening was finally over. At her apartment door, he suddenly said "Hey! You wanna see my underwear?" Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn't wearing any. She glanced down and said, "Nice design, does it also come in men's sizes ?
*** Things that can and do bother the "normal" person. ***Having to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thingy in the middle of them.The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle. The same person that gives you a "blank stare" when you look at them.There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.It's bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don't realize it till you walk across your living room rug. Especailly since you don't even have a dog! There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror anddiscover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth.You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette.You slice your tongue licking an envelope...OUCH! Your tire gauge lets out more...