Ounce Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.

An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him.

An error in the premise will appear in the conclusion.

An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.

An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.

An original idea can never emerge from committee in its original form.

An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.

An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure.

An ounce of rejection is worse than a pound of "sure".

Any argument carried far enough will end up in semantics.

A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I. Q. 20 points.

After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center`s director that he was an acceptable candidate.

"That`s great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive."

"Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant`s brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist`s brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president`s is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a Democrat`s brain is seventy-five thousand dollars."

"Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a Democrat`s brain? Why on earth is that?"

"Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many Democrats we would more...

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains." How much does it cost for engineer brain?" "Three dollars an ounce." "How much does it cost for programmer brain?" "Four dollars an ounce." "How much for lawyer brain?" "$1, 000 an ounce." "Why is lawyer brain so much more?" "Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains. ”How much does it cost for engineer brain? ”
"Three dollars an ounce. ”"How much does it cost for programmer brain? ”
"Four dollars an ounce. ”"How much for lawyer brain? ”
"$1, 000 an ounce. ”"Why is lawyer brain so much more? ”
"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain? ”

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him.
An error in the premise will appear in the conclusion.
An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
An original idea can never emerge from committee in its original form.
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure.
An ounce of rejection is worse than a pound of "sure".
Any argument carried far enough will end up in semantics.

Working for a Judge in a common pleas court, I saw many criminal defendants. One man facing drug charges proved unusually helpful. To determine the exact quantity of the illegal substance allegedly sold, the judge asked the prosecutor how many grams there are in an ounce.As both attorneys checked their notes, the defendant, who had not yet entered his plea, proudly announced, "There are 28.3 grams in an ounce, your honor." His attorney advised him to plead guilty.

A lawyer finds out he has an inoperable brain tumor. It's so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains. There's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is a ripoff! How come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?" The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"