Outrageous Jokes

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts and shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery.

Presently, a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn't help but stare.

As she passed them she turned, smiled, and said: "Good morning father, good morning father." Nodding and addressing each of them individually.

They were both stunned; how in the world were they recognized as priests?

They went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits and again they settled on the beach in their chairs more...

A guy went to Las Vegas, and won big, really big, in one of the casinos.
When you win big in Vegas the casino will give you free things, like meals, show tickets, or rooms, this is all designed to keep you there so that you will lose what money you have won.
After winning fifty thousand dollars at the crap table, the casino decided to give the guy a night in the penthouse suite.
The guy went up to the room, opened the big double doors, and stepped into a three room suite.
The room is on a corner of the hotel and two walls are nothing but windows, with a fantastic view of the city. There's a wet bar in one corner, with a big screen T.V.
The guy dropped his bag of money in a chair and stood looking out the windows at the city.
He realized he was all alone and needed someone to share his good fortune.
He called the front desk and told the clerk to send up one of the best, high-priced call girls in the city.
Thirty minutes later there was a knock on the more...

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb.They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine, and the scenery, when a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them, she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father," "Good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? The next day, they went back to the store, and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them.Once again, they more...

A man, carrying a very limp dog, entered the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the vet took out his stethoscope and placed the receptor on the dog's chest.
He listened for a moment or two, shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but your dog has passed away."
"What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't even done any tests on him. I demand a second opinion!"
With that, the vet turned and left the room, returning a few moments later with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever went right to work and checked the poor dead dog out thoroughly. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook its head and barked.
The vet then took the dog out and returned a few moments later with a cat, who also checked out the poor dog on the table.
As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook its head, meowed, jumped off the table and ran out of the room.
The vet handed the man a bill for $650. The more...

Outrageous Flirting Lines
You can't be real. May I pinch you to see if I'm dreaming? Hey, didn't we go to different high schools? There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. At last! I finally found the perfect girl! A fool and his money are soon my boyfriend. Do your legs hurt from running in my dreams all night? Is it hot in here or is it just you? If I follow you home, will you keep me? The best way to hold a man is in your arms. If I told you you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? If love is the answer...can you repeat the question? I'm writing a telephone book. May I have your number? Flattery will get you everywhere! Keep talking. I know I'm not Mr. Right, but would you settle for Mr. Right Now? But you're so *cute* when you blush! All those curves, and me with no brakes. I don't approve of your objectives, but I love your methods. Please be patient-this is my first time. May we more...