PMS Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What's the difference between PMS and Mad Cow Disease?
A: The number of tits!
Women especially love a bargain. The question of' need' is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you' just don't understand'.
Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.
Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.
Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a more...
TOP 14 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR:
14. Pass My Shotgun
13. Psychotic Mood Shift
12. Pack My Stuff
11. Permanent Menstrual Syndrome
10. Perpetual Munching Spree
9. Puffy Mid-Section
8. People Make Me Sick
7. Provide Me with Sweets
6. Pardon My Sobbing
5. Pimples May Surface
4. Pass My Sweatpants
3. Pissy Mood Syndrome
2. Plainly Men Suck
And the number one thing PMS Stands for........
Who Cares?
I'm not in the mood to play this shit anymore!!
Q. Why did God give man a penis? A. So we'd have at least one way to shut a woman up! Q. What are the small bumps around a woman's' nipples for? A. Its Braille for "suck here." Q. What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull? A. Lipstick. Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex? A. They can't stand seeing a man have a good time. Q. Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf? A. They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days. Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job? A. After 5 years your job will still suck. Q. How is a women like a condom? A. Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick. Q. What's the difference between a' 90's woman and a computer? A. A' 90's woman won't accept a three and a half inch floppy.
SEMINARS FOR MALES (prepared and presented by females)
1. You, Too, Can Do Housework
2. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
3. Changing Your Underwear: It Really Works
4. How to Fill an Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money
6. Helpful Postural Hints for Couch Potatoes
7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly titled "Don't Wash my Silks")
8. Parenting: No, It Doesn't End With Conception
9. Get a Life: Learn to Cook
10. Techniques of Calling Home
11. Spelling: Even You Can Get it Right
12. "The Weekend" and "Sports" are Not Synonymous
13. The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
14. How to Put the Toilet Lid Down (formerly titled "No, It's Not a Bidet")
15. How to Stay Awake After Sex-Afterglow, Hold Me, Talk to Me
16. Why it more...
The minister was presenting his Sunday morning service to the congregation. He stated that everything that mankind had experienced or would ever experience was discussed or mentioned in the Bible.
After the sermon, he was shaking hands with the congregation as they filed out of the church. A woman came up to the minister and said, "Preacher, I heard your message today and I really believe that what you said is true. However in my readings of the Scripture, I have never seen any mention of PMS."
The minister scratched his head.... thought for a moment and said, "Well sister just off the top of my head I cannot think of a passage but I'm sure that it exists. See me after next week's service and I will give you an answer."
The next Sunday as the preacher was again shaking the hands of the leaving congregation the woman again came up to him and asked if he had in fact gotten her an answer.
The preacher said, "Yes my more...
Q. What's the difference between a pay cheque and your dick?
A. You don't have to beg a woman to blow your pay cheque.
Q. How is a woman like a laxative?
A. They both irritate the shit out of you.
Q. Why did God give women nipples.
A. To make suckers out of them.
Q. What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A. A woman that won't do what she's told.
Q. What's it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down?
A. Marriage.
Q. Why are hangovers better than women?
A. Hangovers will go away.
Q. What's a clitoris?
A. A hood ornament.
Q. What's the only bad thing about the 69 position?
A. The view.
Q. Why did God give men penises?
A. So we'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.
Q. What are the small bumps around a woman's' nipples for?
A. Its Braille for "suck here."
Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their more...