PMS Jokes / Recent Jokes
.... Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.
. ... PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.
. ... Men would get reputations for sleeping around.
. .. Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets.
. .. A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because he is breathing
. .... Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard would increase by 40 pounds.
. ... Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity.
. ..."Ms." Magazine would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily clad male models.
. ... Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime.
. ... Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit.
. ... Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks"
. more...
PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means that. PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My Spouse.
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cell phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-555-5555"
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
8. You're counting down the days until menopause.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The Ibuprofen bottle is empty and you just bought it yesterday.
11. To you, the initials "PMS" stand for "Punish Men Severely."
How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.
ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT.
And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.
But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!
AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP more...
Q: What is the difference between a woman with PMS and a snarling
Doberman Pincher?
A: Lipstick!