PMS Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull? A: Lipstick.
One day a woman went to her pastor and asked, "Pastor there are some things in life that aren't addressed in the Bible; how are we supposed to deal with them. The Pastor responded, "There are no such things, give me an example of what you are talking about". The woman responded, "PMS is not in the Bible". So the Pastor thought and told the woman to call back in the morning and he would have the answer. The woman called the next morning and asked if the Pastor had an answer about PMS in the Bible. The Pastor replied, "Yes, it's the part where Mary rides Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem!!!".
1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control. 2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game. 3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand". 4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them. 5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty. 6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say. 7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful. 9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around whenthere's a spider or a wasp involved. 10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the more...
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out! And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN more...
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in alight bulb? A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change alight bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYSbefore they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out theywouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact thatthey've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the pastSEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair thatthey dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change theSTUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! ANDUNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPERTHE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUTTHE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALLSUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THEHOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS... I'm more...
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1-800-"6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN more...