Packed Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.
He asked her where she was going and she replied, "I'm going to Las Vegas."
He asked her why she was going.
She told him, "I just found out that as a woman I can make $400 a night doing what I give you for free."
He went into the house, packed his bags and returned to the porch.
His wife said, "And just where do you think you are going?"
"I''m going too!" he replied.
"Why?" she asked.
"I want to see how you are going to live on $800 a year!"

The local courtroom was packed as testimony began in the sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee. The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for him trying to make his client appear more sympathetic to the Judge, especially since she had been so "matter-of-fact" about the whole thing all during the trial. "Mrs. Roth," he began, "was there any point that morning where you felt pity for your husband? " "Well... yeah... I guess..." she replied. "And when was that?" pressed the attorney. "Well...," she replied, "when he asked for his third cup."

The local courtroom was packed as testimony began in thesentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering herhusband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee. The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for himtrying to make his client appear more sympathetic to theJudge, especially since she had been so "matter-of-fact"about the whole thing all during the trial."Mrs. Roth," he began, "was there any point that morningwhere you felt pity for your husband? ""Well... yeah... I guess..." she replied."And when was that?" pressed the attorney."Well...," she replied, "when he asked for his third cup."

New Career Path
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.
He asked her where she was going, and she replied, "I'm going to Las Vegas."
He questioned her as to why she was going, and she told him "I just found out that I can make $400.00 a night doing what I give you for free."
He pondered that for a while, went into the house, packed his bags and returned to the porch and his wife.
She said, "And just where do you think you are going?"
He replied, "I'm going, too."
"Why?" she asked.
He said, "I want to see how you are going to live on $800.00 a year."

Many have asked, “What is the reason for the angel on top of the Christmas tree? ”
Once upon a time Santa was rushed to get ready for Christmas. He had told Mrs. Claus to wake him at 5 a. m. and to have his breakfast ready with a lunch to bring along. He also told the elves to have all the Christmas presents packed in the sleigh and the reindeer harnessed by 5: 30.
At 5: 30 the following morning Santa Claus awoke and jumped out of bed furious with Mrs. Claus for NOT wakeing him up on time! Santa’s mood only got worse when he realized Mrs. Claus had NOT fixed breakfast or lunch!! Santa then ran out to his sleigh only to see that the elves had NO presents packed and the reindeer were running wild in the pasture!!!
About this time a little angel walked by dragging a large Christmas tree. Santa tried to ignore since he wasn’t his jolly old self.
But, the angel spoke up and said, “Santa what should I do with this Christmas tree? ”
And that is the reason more...

Diary of her six day Bahamas cruise DEAR DIARY. .. DAY ONE I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've packed all my pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really excited.

DEAR DIARY. . DAY TWO

We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw some whales and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. I met the Captain today and he seems like a very nice man.

DEAR DIARY. .. DAY THREE
I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffle boarding and hit some golf balls off the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. I felt honored and we had a wonderful time. He is a very attractive and attentive gentleman.
DEAR DIARY. .. DAY FOUR
Went to the ship's casino. did OK. .. won about $80. The Captain invited me to have dinner with him in his state room. We had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. I told him there more...

AEROPLANE BLONDE
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.
AUSSIE KISS
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
BADLY PACKED KEBAB
A vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia.
BEER COAT
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3 in the morning.
BEER COMPASS
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you get there, and where you've come from.
BEER SCOOTER
The ability to get home after a night out on the booze and not remember it i.e."I don't even remember getting home last night, I must have caught the beer scooter".
BOBFOC
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.
BREAKING THE SEAL
Your first piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 more...