"Definitions" joke

AEROPLANE BLONDE
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.
AUSSIE KISS
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
BADLY PACKED KEBAB
A vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia.
BEER COAT
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3 in the morning.
BEER COMPASS
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you get there, and where you've come from.
BEER SCOOTER
The ability to get home after a night out on the booze and not remember it i.e."I don't even remember getting home last night, I must have caught the beer scooter".
BOBFOC
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.
BREAKING THE SEAL
Your first piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
BRITNEY SPEARS
Modern Slang for 'beers', e. g. "Couple of Britneys please, Doreen".
BRUCE LEE
Erect nipple (as in, a hard Nip).
BUDGIE'S TONGUE
The female erection.
DOUBLE-BASS
A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.
DRINK-LINK
A modern term for a cashpoint machine. Named so because it is common to visit one before going out on the booze.
ETCH-A-SKETCH
Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.
FLOGGING ON
Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.
FuckShitFuckShitFuckShit
The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.
GOING FOR A MCSHIT
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McShit With Lies.
GREYHOUND
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
HAND-TO-GLAND COMBAT
A vigorous masturbation session.
JOHNNY-NO-STARS
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.
MILLENNIUM DOMES
The contents of a Wonderbra, i. e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually fuck-all in there worth seeing.
MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!".
MUMBLER
An attractive girl in tight shorts or jeans, etc, i. e. you can see the 'lips' moving but can't quite make out what they're saying.
MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
MYSTERY TAXI
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.
NELSON MANDELA
Rhyming Slang for 'Stella' (the lager).
PEARL HARBOUR
Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl Harbour out here!" Meaning - there's a nasty 'nip' in the air.
PICASSO ARSE
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.
SALAD DODGER
An overweight person.
STARFISH TROOPER OR ARSETRONAUT
A homosexual.
SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive woman.
TART FUEL or BITCH PISS
Bottled Alcopops, e. g. Hooch, regularly consumed by young women.
TITANIC
A lady who goes down first time out.
TODGER DODGER
A lesbian.
UP ON THE BLOCKS
Menstruating i. e. out of action, a bit like a car in a garage. e.g. "I don