Packed Jokes / Recent Jokes
A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.
For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.
When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools.
Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.
Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish more...
One day there were three guys, a blond a black and a brown head. these three guys worked on top of a relly high building. there wifes always packed there lunches for them. they packed them a apple a juice box and a penut butter sand witch. now these three guys got penut butter sandwitches for 2 weeks straight so one day they all made a promise that if they got penut butter sandwithces the next day they would jump and kill them selfs of the building! the next day srue anofe there was a penut butter sandwithce in each lunch box. the brown hair said let there be peace in the world and jumed of the bulding. the black hair one said same here. the blondy said hey it seems to be a trend and i promised so here it gose and he jumped. the next day the boss went to the funarils the boss said why are you cring? brown hairs wife said why did i pack him a penut butter sandwith why?
the boss gose to the black hairs funaril and see the wife crying and the boss said y r u cring? y did i pack him a more...
At one of the packed, Delta ticket counters all of ticket agents were doing their best to politely process each passenger as quickly as they could. A man toward the end of the snaking line of passengers was obviously impatient and very frustrated at having to wait so long in the slow moving line. He finally decided to march right up to the counter pulling his wheeled suitcase and demanded that he be given his boarding pass. The ticket agent turned, looked at him, blinked, took a shallow, deep breath and said, "Sir, as you can see there are many passengers ahead of you. We are doing our best to process the passengers as fast as we can. Im afraid youll have to get back in line". Outraged and red in the face, the man yelled at the ticket agent saying, "Do you know who I am? ??!!!." The ticket agent turned, looked at him, blinked, took another shallow, deep breath, picked up the publi c address system microphone and said calmly, "There is a man at the Delta ticket more...
While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not. I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?" The blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."
The subway car was packed beyond capacity. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!""I don't know what you're talking about miss. That's just my pay check in my pocket," replied the guy."Oh really!" she spat. "Then you must really have quite some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half-hour."
The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people wereforced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the manbehind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!""I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay checkin my pocket.""Oh really" she spat."then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour."
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free."
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you... I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"