Pad Jokes

There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house, so she called the contractor and set an appointment to meet with him.

When the contractor comes to her house they do a walk-through and he asks her what colors she would like. When they come to the living room, she tolls him that she would like a nice and warm cream color.

The contractor writes something down on his pad then walks to the window and yells "Greenside up."

The lady gets a little confused, and they continue to the dining room where she tells him, "I would like a nice warm white in here, nothing stark."

The contractor writes something down on his pad again, then walks to the window and again yells, "Greenside up!"

The lady is really confused now but still does not say anything. They continue to her bedroom and she says, "I would like a nice, cool, relaxing blue in here."

The contractor writes something on his pad and more...

There was life before the computerAn application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account!
And if you had a broken disk,
It would hurt when you found out!

Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You`d be in jail for awhile!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!

Cut--you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider`s home
And a virus was the flu!

I guess I`ll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody`s been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

A computer was something on TV From a science fiction show A window was something you hated to clean.... And RAM was the cousin of a goat.....

MEG was the name of my girlfriend And GIG was your middle finger upright Now they all mean different things And that really MEGA bytes

An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano

Memory was something that you lost with age A CD was a bank account And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy You hoped nobody found out

Compress was something you did to the garbage Not something you did to a file And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for a while

Log on was adding wood to the fire Hard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And a backup happened to your commode

Cut you did with a pocket knife Paste you did with glue A web was a spider's home And a virus was the flu

I guess more...

A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a contractor in to help her. They wander around the house, and she points out the colors she wants. She says, "Now, in the living room, I'd like to have a neutral beige, very soft and warm." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!" The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide. They wander into the next room. She says, "In the dining room I'd like a light white, not stark, but very bright and airy." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out, and yells "Green side up"! The woman is even more perplexed but still lets it slide. They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the bedroom, I'd like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then once more he goes more...

An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano! Memory was something that you lost with age A CD was a bank account And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy You hoped nobody found out! Compress was something you did to garbage Not something you did to a file And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for awhile! Log on was adding wood to a fire Hard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And a backup happened to your commode! Cut - you did with a pocket knife Paste you did with glue A web was a spider's home And a virus was the flue! I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper And the memory in my head I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash But when it happens they wish they were dead!