Padres Jokes / Recent Jokes

The San Diego Padres are now offering fans a special hot dog wrapped in bacon, stuffed with onions, tomatoes, and pinto beans, and served on a potato bun smothered in mayonnaise and jalapeno sauce. It's the perfect snack for fans who love hot dogs but don't want to live to see the seventh inning.

Padres owner John Moores and his estranged wife, Becky, have resolved their dispute over access to the owner's box at Petco Park. Becky lost, so she'll have to continue going to Padres games.

"I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job"--George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign"This is a great day for France!"--Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral"Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know?. .. I bet if they did, I hope I would say,' Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'"--George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex. .. uh... setbacks." --George Bush"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change." --Dan Quayle"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here." --Dan Quayle during a more...

Padres second baseman Edgar Gonzalez was hospitalized after being hit in the head by a 93 mph pitch. Gonzalez is hitting just.190 this season, but his head is one for one.

FOREIGN GOOFS
"Bite the wax tadpole."
- Coca-Cola as originally translated into Chinese
"Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave."
- ad slogan "Pepsi Comes Alive" as originally translated into Chinese
"I am a jelly doughnut"
- English translation of John F. Kennedy speaking at the Berlin Wall
"We pray for MacArthur's erection."
- sign erected by Japanese citizens in Tokyo, when MacArthur was considering a run for President
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
- from a guest directory at a Japanese hotel, 1991
"It takes a virile man to make a chicken pregnant."
- Perdue chicken ad, as mistranslated abroad
MISCELLANEOUS
"I'm not against the blacks and a lot of the good blacks will attest to that."
- Evan Mecham, then governor of Arizona
"Nixon has been sitting in the White House while George McGovern has been more...