Paint Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT
The Woman Discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
The Man discovered WORD and invented CONVERSATION
The Woman Discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP
The Man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS
The Woman Discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY
The Man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD
The Woman Discovered FOOD and invented DIET
The Man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE
The Woman Discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE
The Man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY
The Woman Discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING
Thereafter Man has discovered and invented a lot of things. .....
While the Woman STUCK to shopping. .........
The man discovered WEAPONS and invented HUNTING,
the woman discovered HUNTING and invented FURS.
The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,
the woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
the woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.
The man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS,
the woman discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY.
The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
the woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.
The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
the woman discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.
The man discovered WOMEN and invented SEX,
the woman discovered SEX and invented HEADACHES.
The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
the woman discovered MONEY and that's when it all got f#@$ed up.
Your shuttle craft has been up on blocks for over a month.You paint flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles.You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"You refer to Klingons as "Critters"You refer to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"You have the sensor array repaired with a bent coat hanger and aluminum foil.You install a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section.You say "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies."You hang fuzzy dice over the view screen.You rewire your communicator into your belt buckle.You keep a six-pack under your command chair and a gun rack above it.You say "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
You have a hand-tooled holster for your phaser.You insist on calling your executive officer "Bubba."You set the fore view screen to reruns of "Bassmaster."You program the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens.You paint the starship John Deere more...
It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.Your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire...on her houseThe ASPCA raids your kitchen.You have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
Recently, somewhere in the US a teacher gave his class a not-too-kosher maths test which landed him in the proverbial soup. The original was edited and given to the class in all seriousness (I think). But there was some logical reasoning behind it!
Many people claim the reason innner city students do poorly on standardized tests is because the tests are culturally biased as part of an evil white surburbanite plan. This is of course a much more likely explanation than the idea that drugs, running gun battles and teen pregnancy are disruptive to education.
So, here's a culturally normalized standard test.
City of East Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Final Exam
Name:____________
Alias:____________
Gang:____________
Johnny has an AK-47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots, and he shoots 13 times at every drive by shooting, how may drive by shootings can he attend before he has to reload?
Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells more...
Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.
The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie,"Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"
"Sure that sounds great!" said Julie.
"Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.
"Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked.
"Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."
The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife. "Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.
About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door.
"I'm all finished," she told the more...
A blonde sees a sign out front of a house offering pay for odd jobs. She knocks on the front door and an old man answers."Can I help you?" he asks."I was wondering if I could do some work for you.""Oh, of course. My porch is in need of a fresh coat of paint. I have paint right here, if you would be willing to paint it. I'll pay you ten dollars an hour.""Sure." The blonde took the paint and the man went inside. After three hours or so, the blonde knocked on the front door again. "All finished." The man paid her for her work, and then stepped outside to see her what she had done.The porch hadn't been touched!"Wait, you didn't do anything!""Oh, I left it in the garage. And by the way, that's a Ferrari, not a Porsche."