Painted Jokes / Recent Jokes

This big rough lookin cowboy walks into the bar. He orders up bottle after bottle of rottgutt liquor and proceeds to get really wasted...In the process he manages to anger just about everyone in the bar by being offensive and rude and being a big obnoxious fool...
Finally he finishes up his 5th bottle and decides he's had just about enough. He proceeds to get up and swagger out of the bar.
He gets outside to untie his horse from the post and he notices someone has painted his horses balls a real bright shade of yellow.
This pisses him off immensely so he proceeds to blow back into the bar, slamming the doors open and yelling out at the top of his lungs. "JUST WHO IN THE SAM-HELL PAINTED MY HORSES BALLS YELLOW!!!"
After everyone in the bar rustles around a bit, a guy in the back of the bar stands up. This guy is HUGE, at least 6'10'' tall, pure muscle...
He says to the cowboy, "I did, so what do you got to say about it, boy!!!"
The cowboy more...

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.
In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "green side up!"
In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.
He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "green side up!"
The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.
In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.
The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "green side up!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling' green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head all tried out for the same job as road
stripers. The boss told them they would all work for three days and whoever
painted the most would get the job.
At the end of the first day the red head had painted 3 miles, the brunette had
painted 2.5 miles, and the blonde had painted 10 miles. The boss was so exited
he told her to keep it up and the job was hers.
The next day the red head painted 5 miles, the brunette 5.6 miles, and the
blonde 4 miles. The boss told the blonde not to worry, you still have a good
lead.
So, on the third day the red head had painted 6 miles, the brunette 5 miles, and
the blonde only one mile. The boss was so disappointed, he asked the blonde,
"What went wrong, you were doing so good?"
She said, "Well, that bucket of paint keeps getting further and further away."

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In thefirst room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!". In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!". The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!". The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling' green side up'?". " I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street."

1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole.2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe.3. The I.D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O.D. (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside.4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site.N.B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site.6. All pipe over 500ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe.7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2km) in length must have the words "long pipe" painted in the middle, so the Contractor more...

This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted. The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little Ss painted all around and all over his car. The service man asked him why, and the snail answered "When people see me in my car I want them to say, look at that S-Car-Go!"

You're an 80's child if...

1. You had a crush on one of the New Kids on the Block members.
2. You wanted to be on StarSearch. (Come on, we all did)
3. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.
4. Or even when he had those freaky eyes in' 'Thriller'' at the end of the video.
5. You wore a banana clip or one of those slap on wrist bands at some point during your youth.
6. You wore french rolls on the bottom of your splatter painted jeans.
7. You had slouch socks, and puff painted your own shirt at least once.
8. You owned a doll with' Xavier Roberts' signed on it's butt.
9. You knew what Willis was' 'talkin'' bout.''
10. You know the profound meaning of' 'Wax on, Wax off.''
11. You can name at least half of the members of the elite' 'Brat Pack.''
12. You can remember watching Full House and Saved by the Bell for endless hours!!!!!!
13. You have seen at least 10 episodes of Fraggle more...