Painted Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde gets hired to paint the lines on a road. the first day she paints she gets 4 miles of road painted. The second day she goes out she gets 2 miles of road painted. The third day she goes out she gets 1 mile painted. Her boss calls her into his office, What happened, you did good the first day, alright the second day, and very poorly the third day? The blonde replied, well sir each day I got further and further from the bucket!

A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but was not getting many.
Then, he discovered the problem; a 10 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read, "SPEED TRAP AHEAD".
The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign painted "TIPS" and a bucket of change.

Painted on a mobike in Mumbai:
I was born free -- my dad is a doctor.
Sticker on a Fiat Uno:
Eat, drink, and be merry today, because tomorrow
they might cancel your credit-card!
Sign noticed on a garbage truck:
Always at your disposal!
Sticker outside a doctor's clinic spotted in Bangalore:
Life is a sexually transmitted disease!
Seen on the back of a bus:
Latak mat, tapak jayega. (Don't hang on, you
will drop).

A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but was not getting many.Then, he discovered the problem; a 10 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read, "SPEED TRAP AHEAD".The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign painted "TIPS" and a bucket of change.

A Polak is hired to paint the lines on the road. On the first day he paints ten miles, and his employers are amazed. But, the second day he painted just five, and on only the third day, he painted only a mile of the road. Disappointed his boss asks what the problem was. The Polak replies, "Well sir, every day I have to walk farther and farther to get back to the paint bucket."

When the old cowboy walked out of the saloonand went to unhitch his horse, he noticed that the animal' s testicles were painted green. Storming back into the bar, the fellow hollered, "OK, which one of you son of a bitches painted my horse' s balls green?"
From the back of the room, a huge man, with arms as big tree trunks, slowly rose from his chair. "I did," he rumbled. "What are you gonna do about it?"
"Oh nothing," the old cowboy gulped. "I just wanted to tell you that the first coat is dry."

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex."
"But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied.
"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."