Painted Jokes / Recent Jokes

This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted. The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little S's painted all around and all over his car. The service man asked him why, and the snail answered "When people see me in my car I want them to say, look at that S-Car-Go!"

A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighbourhood looking for odd jobs to do when she approaches a large house. She goes up to the house, rings the bell and the owner comes to the door. He asks the lady what he can do for her. The blonde tells him of her situation, that she is down on her luck and wants to know if he has any odd jobs that she could do. The man thinks about it for a second and then remembers that he has been wanting his porch painted. He asks the blonde if she paints? The blonde says, "Sure anything." "Well, I've been wanting my porch painted, how much would you charge?" the man replies. "I don't know, say $50 bucks." "Sounds good. Go ahead and get started." He closes the door and walks back inside. His wife asks him, "Who was at the door?" He tells her of the blonde and her situation and then told his wife that the blonde agreed to paint the porch for $50 bucks. The astonished wife says, more...

One St. Patrick's Day an old peat farmer rode into his local village on his prize donkey to celebrate the day. He tied his mule and went into his favorite pub where he spent several hours with several pints and songs and not a few stories. On leaving the pub he was shocked to find that someone had painted his prize mule green. He touched her just to be sure and there was no doubt. Well, he went back into the pub and began to curse and to try to find out who had painted his prize mule green. Then one of the boys and the end of the bar stood up, a very large fellow indeed. "I did it!" says he. "Have you got something to say to me?" Without the slightest pause the old man said, "Yes! The first coat is dry."

Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.His grandmother remarked..."doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?"Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed."This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him, "What makes you say God did this with his left hand?"Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!"

A blonde, a brunnette and a redhead all tried out for the same job as road stripers. The boss told them they would all work for three days and whoever painted the most would get the job. At the end of the first day, the redhead had painted 3 miles, the brunette had painted 2.5 miles and the blonde had painted 10 miles.
The boss was so excited he told her to keep it up and the job was hers. The next day, the redhead painted 5 miles and the brunette 5.6 miles and the blond 4 miles. He told her not to worry, she still had a good lead. So, on the third day the redhead had painted 6 miles, the brunette 5 miles and the blonde only one mile.
The boss was so disappointed, he asked the blonde, "What went wrong, you were doing so well". She said, "Well, that bucket of paint keeps getting further and further away."

The out-of-state couple are camping on the shores of a lake
near a tiny hamlet. The young wife, stunningly built, decides
to give the local town folk a thrill by sun bathing in the nude.
"That's OK with me, honey," says her husband. "I'll go get
some wood for the fire."
About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite
and finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been
painted green, the other red and her ass is blue. "What on
earth happened to you dear?" he asks.
"Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they
don't allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave
me this paint job!"
"Damn those trouble-makers! I'll fix them!" the husband shouts.
He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar. "Who is
the SOB who painted my wife red, green and blue!" he shouts.
A huge redneck, about 6'-8", steps forward, a shotgun in more...

The out-of-state couple are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny hamlet. The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the local town folk a thrill by sun bathing in the nude. "That's OK with me, honey," says her husband. "I'll go get some wood for the fire." About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her ass is blue. "What on earth happened to you dear?" he asks. "Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don't allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!" "Damn those trouble-makers! I'll fix them!" the husband shouts. He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar. "Who is the SOB who painted my wife red, green and blue!" he shouts. A huge redneck, about 6'-8," steps forward, a shotgun in his hand. "I did it," he bellows. "What you more...