Pants Jokes / Recent Jokes

Are you wearing space pants, 'cause your butt is out of this world!

TRUE STORY
My first job was working in an office at my cubicle. Unfortunately, they put me on the floor with a bunch of pranksters.
While I was doing my work, I saw one a co-worker with a funnel down his pants, trying to catch a coin with it, for fun. He would throw the coin in the air, and then catch it with the funnel. I found this very interesting, so when it was lunch break, I asked them if I could try it. The co-worker handed me a funnel and coin, and told me to put the funnel down my pants, and down my underpants if I wanted.
I put it down my pants, and started playing. I caught the coin a couple of times, and I continued for a while. The co-worker left to get cold water to drink, and when he came back to me, he accidentally tripped and fell, purposely putting the cup into the funnel, which travelled down to my underwear. He began laughing really hard, because my it looked like I'd peed myself.
I had to work like that for the rest of the day, and everyone got more...

21 TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU MIGHT MEET IN THE MEN'S ROOM! EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.TIMID: Can't piss if someone's watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink.CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor.WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug.ABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.CHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.SNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed.PATIENT: Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand.DESPERATE: Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.TOUGH: Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry more...

My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.

It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my seven month old daughter, and she was clean.

Then I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so asked him and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I didn't have any clothes with me."

Then I said, "Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just knew that he must have, because the smell was getting worse. Sooooo.... I asked one more time, "Matt, did you have an accident?"

Matt jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled...."SEE, MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!!" While 20 people nearly choked to more...

Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go screw.
Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.
Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going...
That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.
Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way right away.
I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
I enjoy doing maintenance, you look like someone I would like to "tinker" around with.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause baby you're more...

A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him. In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain. In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his college degree for his murder of three people. "There are too many business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen another field, all this may not have happened." Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't more...

Clinton said that his relationship with Monica was inappropriate, in fact
it was wrong.
What's the difference between inappropriate and wrong. Well,
inappropriate is like wearing black shoes with brown pants. Wrong is
wearing black shoes and no pants.