Pantyhose Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!

To be sung to the tune of Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland
Lacy things - the girlfriend's missin',
Didn't ask - her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' round in women's underwear.
In the store - there's a teddy,
Little straps - like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' round in women's underwear.
In the office there's a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He'll say, "Are you ready?" We'll say,"Whoa, Man!"
"Let's wait until our women are out of town!"
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress - like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' round in women's underwear!
Lacy things - the girlfriend's missin',
Didn't ask - her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' round in women's underwear,
Walkin' round in women's underwear,
Walkin' round in more...

Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common? A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!

There's this old man in a nursing home and he's hornier than hell. So he sees this cute nurse and says, "How about a quickie for twenty bucks?"
She agrees and gets on top of him. They go at it for about ten minutes. After the act, the old man says, "You know, if I knew you were a virgin, I would have paid you a hundred bucks."
In reply, the nurse says, "If I knew you could get it up that high, I would have taken off my pantyhose!"

There's this old man in a nursing home and he's hornier than hell. So he sees this cute nurse and says, "How about a quickie for twenty bucks?"She agrees and gets on top of him. They go at it for about ten minutes. After the act, the old man says, "You know, if I knew you were a virgin, I would have paid you a hundred bucks."In reply, the nurse says, "If I knew you could get it up that high, I would have taken off my pantyhose!"

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.

What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart.

I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" and "Who would buy that?"

Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush more...

Q. How many animals can you get into one pair of pantyhose?

A. Several. Ten little piggies, two calves, many hares, one ass and a beaver!