Parachute Jokes / Recent Jokes

An airplane was about to crash, and there were 5 Passengers left, but only 4 parachutes.
The first passenger, Bill Clinton said "I am president of the United States, and I have a great responsibility, being the leader of nearly 300 million people, and a superpower, etc.," so he takes the first parachute, and jumps out of the plane.
The second passenger, said I'm Antoine Walker, one the best NBA Basketball players, and the Boston Celtics need me, so I can't afford to die so he takes the second parachute, and leaves the plane.
The third passenger, Hillary Clinton, said "I am the wife of the President of the United States, a soon to be New York Senator, and I am the smartest woman in the world," so she takes the third parachute and exits the plane.
The fourth passenger, Pope John Paul the second, says to the fifth passenger, a 10 year old boy scout, I am old and frail and I don't have many years left, so as a Christian gesture and good deed, I will more...

THE PARACHUTE PARADIGM
You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one
parachute.
Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die in the jump
anyway.
Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived jumps
just like this before.
Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.
Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use
in melti-engine aircraft under corde red conditions.
Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.
Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute
in order to make your next appointment.
Sales executive: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get
the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.
Internal Revenue Service: you confiscate the parachute along with their
luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.
Advertiser: you strip-tease while more...

A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As he's falling, he realizes hiss chute is broken. He doesn't know anything about parachutes, but as the earth rapidly approaches, he realizes his options are limited; he takes off the parachute and tries to fix it himself on the way down. The wind is ripping past his face, he's dropping like a rock, and at 5000 feet, another man goes shooting up past him. In desperation, the man with the chute looks up and yells, "Hey do you know anything about parachutes?!"
The guy flying up looks down and yells, "No, do you know anything about gas stoves?!"

One night, a twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dahlia Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.

"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the more...

A blonde and a redhead were on an airplane when the engine blew and they were heading into a crash. Looking around inside the plane, they could only find one parachute and a flashlight.
The redhead quickly grabbed the parachute and the flashlight and said to the blonde, "Ok, this is a magic flashlight. I'll shine it on the ground and you can slide down the beam of light. Then, I'll follow you with the parachute."
The blonde looked at her skeptically and said, "Do you really think I'm that dumb? I know that as soon as I'm halfway down, you're going to turn it off!"

One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment. "Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen", he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.Bill Gates rose and more...

Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were travelling by
a private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting,
"This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are
five of us in the plane. Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am
taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the
luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped offthe plane.
Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very
important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest
politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country,
and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage
area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.
The old saint said to the school boy, more...