Parachute Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two mates are undergoing parachute training in the Special Air Service. They get together for a beer after their first day and one guy enquires of the other "How'd it go, did you jump"? His mates says, "Oh god it was terrible, I got to the door of the plane and just froze, couldn't do it". "And there was this big fat jumpmaster and he said "Now look here son, you have two choices, you jump out that door or you get my big fat cock right up your arse". "Geez" says his mate "well did you jump". "Oh yeah" says the other trainee "a little bit".

There were two men who were rivals in everything they did - tennis, golf, swimming, everything. One day they decide to go skydiving together. High up over the earth, they jump out of a plane. After falling for about half a mile, the first man pulls the cord on his parachute, but his parachute doesn't open. His backup chute doesn't open either. The second man sees his friend falling to earth. He tears off both his parachutes and shouts, "So you want to race, huh? Okay, let's race!"

An air freight flight flying across the Pacific to Australia was also carrying five passengers; an American, A Frenchman, a German, an Englishman, and an Irishman. They'd almost reached their destination near Australia, when one of the plane's four engines caught on fire. "Don't worry!" said the pilot, as he activated the fire extinguishers and feathered the prop, "this plane was designed to fly on just two engines. We'll be fine!"

A little while later, an engine on the other wing coughed and sputtered and stopped. The plane appeared to be slowly losing altitude when the pilot came on the intercom and said: "don't worry men, this plane can still fly on two engines, but we're going to have to lighten the load."

The copilot came back into the cabin and opened a rear door. He then directed the five men in helping to jettison the crates that the plane was carrying. Once all the crates were out, he secured the door and went back to the more...

An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board, but unfortunately only 4 parachutes. The first passenger says, "I'm Shaquille O'Neill, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, it would be unfair to them if I died." So he takes the first parachute and jumps. The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says, "I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world, a Senator in New York and America's potential future President". She takes one of the parachutes and jumps. The third passenger, George W. Bush, says, "I am the President of the United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die." So he takes a parachute and jumps. The fourth passenger, th e Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year old schoolboy, "I am more...

On a plane, a man and his wife are offered tea and both accept. The man tries to be sweet to his wife, saying "Pass the sugar, sugar... Pass the honey, honey." Then he says, "Pass the tea, you old bag."
On a plane, there were three... "On a plane, there were three passengers and the pilot. The passengers were George Bush, an old man, and his grandson. The grandson hung his backpack with the others on the rack. The plane ran out of fuel and there were only three parachutes. The pilot took a parachute and jumped out. Then George Bush jumped out with one. There was only one parachute left. The old man told his grandson to go on without him, but the kid said he had to. The old man said,"You are young and you have your whole life ahead of you." The boy replied,"But there are still two parachutes left. George Bush took my backpack."

There's 4 people on a plane and one is the smartest man in the world, one's a hippie, ones the president and one is britney spears. the plane is about to crash and there's only three parachutes so the president says, " I think i deserve a parachute, afterall, i am the president." So he takes the parachute and jumps out of the plane. Next britney spears says, " I think i should use the next parachute afterall, i am britney spears." so she jumped out of the plane. then there was only the hippie and the smartest man. They were debating who should use the next parachute and the hippie said, "i dont think we have to worry about anything like that, britney spears just jumped out with my backpack. and they jumped out of the plane.

Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had no parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives and jump out of their planes. First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed his turban, used it as a parachute and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down. Then the Hindu removed his dhoti and jumped out. Again his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also floated down gently. Seeing this, the American removed his shirt and pant and jumped out. Unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall rapidly from the plane to the ground. He passed by the Hindu who said " May Bhagwan help you". Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming past him and was puzzled. So he said - "I see! You want a race! Let us see who is faster" Saying so, he let go of his turban.