Parachute Jokes / Recent Jokes

As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in serveral night time
excersises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump
School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation.
"Scared, Lieutenant?", I asked.
He replied, "No, just a bit apperhensive."
I asked, "What's the diffrence??"
He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education."

There were 5 people on a plane. The plane started to go down of coarse there were only 4 parachutes. The first person was Bill Clinton so he says " I get a parachute because I am the president the people need me" He jumps out.

Then a famous basketball player says " I am the best basketball player the people need me' He jumps out.

Then Hillary Clinton says " I am the smartest person in the world soon to be Senator of NEW YORK" she jumps out.

Then Pope John Paul says " I am a Christian so I am going to give my parachute to a 10 year old boy scout."

The boy scout says "That's ok the worlds smartest women took my backpack."

There was a Blond and a Brunette on an airplane.
All of a sudden the engine blew and they started to crash!
There was only one parachute and a flashlight.
The Brunette grabbed the parachute and the flashlight and said to the blond, "Ok, This is a magic flashlight, I will shine it on the ground and you can slide down the beam of light! Then I will follow you with the parachute."
The blond looked at her sceptically and said, "Do you think I am that dumb? I know when I am halfway down you're gonna turn it off!"

There was a Blond and a Brunette on an airplane.All of a sudden the engine blew and they started to crash! There was only one parachute and a flashlight.The Brunette grabbed the parachute and the flashlight and said to the blond, "Ok, This is a magic flashlight, I will shine it on the ground and you can slide down the beam of light! Then I will follow you with the parachute."The blond looked at her sceptically and said, "Do you think I am that dumb? I know when I am halfway down you're gonna turn it off!"

The mind is like a parachute, it works better when it's open.

there was a plane in the sky with 4 people on it. There was a pilot. a boy, a priest, and a genius.

All of a sudden the pilot ran into the cockpit and yelled "we are crashing! grab a parachute!"

They opened the storage compartment but only found 3 working parachutes.

The pilot quickly grabbed one, put it on, and jumped out the door.

the remaining three were trying to decide who should get the other 2.

the genius said "well, i'm a genius, and i can contribute a lot to the world" so he grabbed one and ran out the door.

Now only the priest and the boy were left. the priest turned to the boy and said " boy, you are much younger than i. You should take the last parachute, save yourself"

"no" said the boy, "we can both be saved because the genius took my bookbag"

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From Cara: )

An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board, but unfortunately only 4 parachutes. The first passenger says, "Im Shaquille ONeill, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, it would be unfair to them if I died." So he takes the first parachute and jumps. The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says, "I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world, a Senator in New York and Americas potential future President". She takes one of the parachutes and jumps. The third passenger, George W. Bush, says, "I am the President of the United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die." So he takes a parachute and jumps. The fourth passenger, th e Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year old schoolboy, "I am more...