Parent Jokes / Recent Jokes

Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale. Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.

Father: " I know the answer to your bad grades. You're spending too much time watching television." Son: " I'm sorry, you'll have to phrase that in the form of a question."

A mother of two teenage boys, was constantly being asked to look for things they couldn't find. Most of the time these items were directly in front of them. Seeing her frustration over this when it happened yet again, one of her sons remarked: "It's not my fault, Mom. I don't have' parental vision:"

Tad looked up from the book on ancient history he was reading and asked his father, "Pop, whats a millennium?" "Well," he muttered, "I think its something like a centennial, only it has more legs!"

Parent's Dictionary of MeaningsDUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him. GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right. HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say. OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblingsPUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it. SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours. STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva. TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies. TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those more...

Talbot and his son James were called to Mrs. Cren-shaws classroom. "Mr. Talbot," said the teacher, "I asked James Who shot Abraham Lincoln? and he said that he didnt do it!" "Well, teacher," said Talbot, "if my kid said he didnt do it he didnt do it!" Father and son left the school, and on their way home Talbot turned to the boy and asked, "Tell me, son, did you do it?"

An elementary school teacher decides to pole the class on the difficulty of last night`s homework assignment:

How many people were able to complete the assignment without parents help?
About 25% of the class raises their hands. How many people we able to complete the assignment with the help of a parent? About 70% of the class raises their hand. The teacher still notices about 5% of the class did not raise their hands. She then calls out, "How many people had to help a parent complete your assignment?