Parenthood Jokes / Recent Jokes

After a family disturbance, one of the little boys closed his bedtime prayer by saying, "And please don't give my dad any more children...He don't know how to treat those he's got now."

A little girl accompanied her father to the post office one day. She noticed the "Wanted" posters pinned to the wall and asked her father about them.

"Those are pictures of the people the police would like to catch," explained her father.

"But, Daddy," said the little girl, "If the police wanted to catch them, why didn't they hold on to them when they took their pictures?

A father was having trouble getting phone messages because his teenage son was always talking to girlfriends. Finally he had a private phone line installed.

One night the father came home and was astonished to find the boy using the family telephone. "Why don't you tie up your own phone?" the father shouted.

"No way, Dad," answered the son. "One of my friends might want to call me on it."

"An abstract noun," the teacher said, "is something you can think of, but you can't touch it. Can you give me an example of one?"

"Sure," a teenage boy replied. "My father's new car."

The little young lady of the house, by way of punishment for some minor misdemeanor, was compelled to eat her dinner alone at a little table in a corner of the dining room. The rest of the family paid no attention to her presence until they heard her audibly praying over her repast with the words: "I thank thee, Lord, for preparing a table before me in the presence of mine enemies."

Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, little Johnny exclaims, "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?"

Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town.

Pretty soon, mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out, "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"

An adolescent daughter asks her mother, "Mom, we've been studying sex education and childbirth in school, and I'm kind of worried about the whole thing. I mean, is it terribly painful to have a baby?"

"Well," her mother replies "I'll give you an idea of how painful it is and you can judge for yourself: put your top lip between your teeth and bite down like you're chewing on a piece of gum..."

The daughter complies, and a moment later she announces, "Oh, well that's not too bad."

"...Okay, now,"continues her mother "pull your lower lip all the way over the back of your head like a shower cap!"