Parenthood Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Evolution of Mom

Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes -

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.

The Baby's Name -

1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.

2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.

3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!

Preparing for the Birth -

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don't bother practicing more...

A little boy asked his mother, "Mommy, am I descended from a monkey?"

The mother replied, "I don't know, son, I never met your father's parents."

One evening a preschooler, Kristel, and her parents were sitting on the couch chatting.

Kristel asked, "Daddy, you're the boss of the house, right?"

Her father proudly replied, "Yes, I am the boss of the house."

Upon hearing this Kristel added, "Cause Mommy put you in charge, right Daddy?"

A physician was taking her four-year-old daughter to preschool. On the drive over, the doctor noticed the little girl had begun playing with her stethoscope, which she had left on the car seat.

Be still, my heart, thought the doctor. My daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!

Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take you order?"

A man comes home with his daughter, who had spent the day with him at work.

The little girl asks, "I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll."

Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man explains, "Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types like you wouldn't believe, she knows the computer system, and is very efficient."

"Oh. I thought it was because she closed her eyes when you lay her down on the couch."

Realizing at the last minute that it was his father's birthday, a teenage boy rushed to the corner store to grab a card. He quickly found a son-to-father card, but neglected to read it carefully.

Later when his father opened his gifts, he was surprised to read aloud, "Happy birthday to a wonderful Dad. Now that I'm a father too. . . "

A six-year-old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair.

"Don't be angry," the mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts."

A short while later, there's more crying, and the mother goes to investigate.

This time the sister is bawling and her brother says, "Now she knows."