Parenthood Jokes / Recent Jokes

I know a teenage girl who had been trying to run away from home for a year but every time she gets to the front door the phone rings.

Adolescence is a period of rapid changes. Between the ages of twelve and seventeen, for example, a child may see his parents age twenty years.

Father: What's wrong, Judy? Usually you talk on the phone for hours. This time you only talked half an hour. How come?

Judy: It was the wrong number.

Father: I'll tell you something about happiness. Do you know what it means to come home to two adorable, well-mannered children who are thrilled at the sight of you, hang on to your every word, and think you're the smartest, strongest, best guy in the world?

Bachelor friend: Well...

Father: I'll tell you what it means. It means you're in the wrong house!

Two little girls were sitting in the lunchroom of an elementary school in Beverly Hills.

"Guess what," one said. "Mommy's getting married again, so I'll have a new daddy."

"Really," said the other girl. "Who's she marrying?"

"Winston James, the famous director."

"Oh, you'll like him," the other girl exclaimed. "He was my daddy last year."

A salesman rang the bell at a suburban home, and the door was opened by a nine-year-old boy puffing on a long black cigar.

Hiding his amazement, the salesman asked the young man, "Is your mother home?"

The boy took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked ashes on the carpet, and asked, "What do you think?"

One day little Johnny came up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did I come from?"

Dad squirmed a bit, but thought it was time his son knew the facts of life. So, Dad told his son how the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed in the womb and finally how a child was born. As Dad told the story, his son's eyes got wider and wider.

When Dad was finished, his son said, "Wow, that's really neat! What a great journey I must've had! That sure beats what Billy told me. He said that he came from Philadelphia."