Paris Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bored by their wild partying lifestyle Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan have turned into nuns. One day Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan were in back of the convent smoking cigarettes, when one said, "It's bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke,but it really is a problem getting rid of the cigarette butts so Mother Superior doesn't find them." Paris said, "I've found a marvelous invention called the condom, which really solves this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later!" Lindsay Lohan was quite impressed and asked where she could find them. "You get them at the drug store, sister, just go and ask the pharmacist for them." The next day Lindsay Lohan went to the drug store and walked up to the counter. "Good morning, sister," said the pharmacist. "What can I do for you today?" "I'd like some condoms, please," said Lindsay Lohan. The more...

Hilton Double Booked

Doctors currently treating Paris Hilton for a mystery illness have discovered a new condition that occurs when a women sleeps with more men then their genitals can handle. Doctors have named this condition, "Parisitus," a situation where all muscles begin to collapse and gradually make the vagina resemble the mask from the movie "Scream."

...Paris Hilton was a contestant in National Spelling Bee when she was in the 8th grade. Or as Paris fondly remembers, "the best 4 years of my life."

Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are driving down the highway in a convertible. Lindsay knows that she is speeding so she asks Paris if there is a cop behind them? So Paris looks behind their car and sees a cop and says "Oh my God Lindsay, there is a cop behind us!" Lindsay says "That sucks! Are his lights on?" Paris answers, "Yes. .. No. .. Yes. .. No. .. Yes. .. No. .."

Recently in People magazine I read Paris Hilton's quote in reference to her new CD: "it's so good when I hear it I, like, cry". I never thought I'd agree on anything with Paris Hilton but I'm sure if I heard the CD I would, like, cry too. In other pop culture news...government officials have finally found a use for Rosie O'Donnell's TV movie "Riding The Bus With My Sister" in which she plays a mildly retarded woman and co-stars with Andie Mcdowell. Apparently the film is being used to torture inmates at Guantamano Bay and is proving extremely useful.

Hijacker-We have hijacked this plane now our destination is Paris.
Pilot-But this flight is going to Paris only.
Hijacker-Maybe we hijacked a wrong plane.

Also not hot, according to Paris: apostrophes, contractions, irony.