Parking Jokes / Recent Jokes

A driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off:

"I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses."

Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note:

"I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job.. . Lead us not into temptation."

Due to budget constraints, the following corporate policies are announced
regarding employees traveling on official business. These policies are effective
immediately.
TRANSPORTATION
Hitch-hiking in lieu of commercial transportation is strictly encouraged.
Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their
departure on company business trips. Should hitch-hiking prove fruitless, bus
travel may be utilized if absolutely necessary. Airline tickets will be
authorized for purchase only under extreme circumstances, and the lowest fares
will be used. If, for example, a meeting is scheduled in Seattle but a lower
fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be
substituted for travel to Seattle.
Car rental fees are going up all the time, and are to be avoided. As a
substitute for these charges, we recommend car-sharing. Simply turn your issued
luminescent safety vest inside more...

Gross pay: $1222. 02Income Tax244. 40 Outgo Tax45. 21 State Tax61. 10 Interstate Tax5. 89 County Tax6. 11 City Tax12. 22 Rual Tax4. 44 Back Tax1. 11 Front Tax1. 16 Side tax1. 61 Up Tax2. 22 Down Tax1. 11 Knickknack Tax1. 98 Hackensack Tax3. 93 Thumbtax0. 98 Carpet Tax0. 69 Snack Tax8. 32 Surtax3. 46 Ma'am Tax3. 46 Parking Fee5. 00 No Parking Fee10. 00 F. I. C. A. 81. 88 T. G. I. F9. 95 Life Ins. 5. 85 Health Ins. 16. 23 Disability Ins. 2. 50 Ability Ins. 0. 25 Liability Ins. 3. 41 Dental Ins. 4. 50 Mental Ins. 4. 33 Fundamental Ins. 0. 11 Coffee 6. 85 Coffee Cups66. 51 Calendar Rental3. 06 Floor Rental16. 85 Chair Rental4. 32 Desk Rental4. 32 Union Dues5. 85 Union Don'ts 3. 77 Cash Advances0. 69 Cash Retreats121. 35 Overtime 1. 26 Undertime54. 83 Eastern Time 9. 00 Central Time8. 00 Mountain Time7. 00 Pacific Time6. 00 Daylight Savings Time. 4. 44 Time Out12. 21 Oxygen 10. 22 Water16. 54 Electricity38. 23 Heat51. 42 Air Conditioning46. 83 Misc. 169. 24 Total Take Home Pay = $0000. more...

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait until After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
18. Compliments: more...

There once was a brother and a sister, fraternal twins, who were approaching their high school graduation. It was getting near prom night and neither of them had a date for it. So one day, the girl approaches her brother and says "Hey, you got a date for the prom yet?" He says "No, why? You got someone lined up for me?" "You might say that. Why don't you take me to the prom?" "Take you? You kidding? You're my sister!" "Well, are you taking somebody else out?" "You know I don't have a date, Sis. " "And neither do I. But we both want to go to the prom, don't we?" Her brother nods. She continues, "So we should go with each other." The brother can't see anything wrong with her reasoning, so he tells his sister that if neither of them has a date by Wednesday evening he will take her to the prom. Wednesday evening rolls around. Neither of the siblings has a date, so the brother tells his sister that he'll take more...

Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it.
The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola.
From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number.
Naturally, the management refused, claiming that it could not change its stationery.
The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands.
At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leoloa said, "No problem. How many nights?"
A few hours later more...

How are blondes and parking spaces alike?
All the good ones are taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.