Parlor Jokes

Granny was in her eighties and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring and she welcomed him into her parlor. He took a seat while she prepared some tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.
Imagine his shock and surprise! And curiosity! Surely, Miss Granny had flipped!! But he felt he couldn't mention the strange sight in her parlor.
When she returned with the tea and cookies they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and the floating item, but soon it got the better of him and he could resist no longer.

"Miss Granny," he said while pointing to the bowl, "I wonder if you could tell me about this?"
"Oh, yes", she replied, "Isn't it wonderful! I was walking down town last fall and I more...

A man was in an ice cream parlor waiting to buy some ice cream. There was one lady in front of him. She ordered a chocolate cone.
The soda-jerk told her he's sorry but they have run out of chocolate. She said, " OK, then I'll have some chocolate."
He told her, " Lady, I'm out of chocolate."
Once again she said, " OK, I'll just have some chocolate."
Exasperated, he said, " Lady, spell VAN as in vanilla."
She spelled van.
He said, " Good, now spell STRAW as in strawberry."
She spelled straw.
He said, " Good, now spell FUCK as in chocolate."
The lady said, " There is no fuck in chocolate."
He replied, "That's what I'm trying to tell you."

Little Johnny's father decided it was time for 14-year-old Little Johnny, to learn the facts of life. He takes him to the local house of ill repute, which is fronted by a beauty parlor.

He introduces Little Johnny to the madam, and explains that it's time for his indoctrination to sex. The madam says, "You've been such a good customer over the years, I'm going to see to this personally."

So she takes Little Johnny by the hand and leads him upstairs, where she completes his deflowering. Later, as they are walking downstairs the madam says, "Since this is your first time, I'm going to see that you get the full treatment before you leave. I'm going to give you a manicure."

Two weeks later Little Johnny and his father run into the madam on the main street. Little Johnny is acting a little shy, so the madam smiles and says, "Well, Little Johnny, don't you remember me?"

"Yes, Ma'am, " Little Johnny stammers, more...

I've just come back from the beauty parlor! What a pity it was closed!

A man walks into a tattoo parlor and says he would like a $100 dollar bill on his dick. Well the tattoo artist laughs and says "I'll do it for free if you can give me one good reason for it." The guy thinks for a second and says. "Well one, I like to keep my money in my pants, two I like to watch my money grow, and three I want to see how fast my wife can blow a $100.