Partner Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day while walking down the street a highly successful partner in a law firm was fatally stuck by a bus. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was greated at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, oddly enough, we've never once had an law firm partner make it this far and we're not quite sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind... I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the law partner in an express elevator to hell.
The doors more...
If your favorite color is: RED Tend to be tigers in the sack. They are easily aroused and enjoy sex in every way imaginable. Once the sexual spark is lighted, it may take hours to extinguish. When two Reds get together, the ensuing erotica could make Lady Chatterley blush. Lovers of Red tend to be the aggressors and weaker colors should beware! YELLOW If you tend to favor Yellow your sexual drivers are complex and lean toward the adaptable. The favorite color of homosexuals is Yellow! No don't panic, not everyone who wears Yellow is gay. In most cases the person will acquiesce to the stronger partner's desires in a passive manner. You will never enjoy sex to the fullest, but you will never turn down an invitation from someone you enjoy or admire. PURPLE Lovers of the color Purple frequently consider themselves too regal for a fun romp in the sack. Women sometimes are the type who hate to muss their hair. Men are businesslike in their approach to lovemaking. In both sexes, Purple more...
CAT MIRACLE DIET: Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet!
Except for cats that eat like people - such as getting lots of table scraps - most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what con- stitutes food. Good Luck!
DAY ONE Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more than .75 per can - and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.
Dinner: Catch a moth and play more...
The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him. "I'm sorry, he's dead," was the standard answer. Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling. The reply: "I used to be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it."
A partner, an associate, and a paralegal from a major law firm are at having a lunch meeting in a conference room when the paralegal notices someone left an ancient-looking lamp on the floor. She rubs the lamp, and a genie appears.
"Masters," the genie, "I will grant each of you one wish." The paralegal speaks up immediately. "I want to be to be on a Greek Island, basking in the sun, with a gorgeous man giving me a massage." The next moment she disappears.
Seeing that the paralegal got her wish, the associate decides to go for it. "I want to be on the most beautiful beach in Thailand." Another moment, and the associate disappears as well.
The genie turns to the partner. "Well...?"
"I don't care where you sent those two," the partner finally says. "But I want both of them back here right after lunch."
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed... driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says,' 'What the hell is taking so long? Hit the damned ball!''
The guy answers,' 'My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.''
' 'Give me a break! You don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here.''
My dance partner dumped me for my best friend. Why? Was he a better dancer? Don't know, I never met him.