Pass Jokes / Recent Jokes

On Appearance
Excessive use of perfume makes a woman less desirable. Perfumes are manufactured from fragrances of herbs, flowers, and other substances that are put into some medium that is strong enough to hold the odor. That medium is often ambergris...a secretion from the intestines of the sperm whale. In other words, you and your man may smell the odor of whale puke instead of enjoying the fragrance of flowers or herbs.
Cleanliness is especially important. If a woman uses enough soap and has that clean, fresh look that a recent shower gives, she could wear a potato sack and still be desirable for her male.
T-shirts are great. It doesn't take much male imagination to know that in less than five seconds, they are off over your head.
Food particles between the teeth, especially the front teeth, are highly undesirable.
On Dating
If you need to pass gas (fart), excuse yourself from his presence. Try not to destroy illusions by unpleasant odors. If you need to more...

To find out, Take this handy quiz:
You have prepared a proposal for your supervisor. The success of this
proposal will mean increasing your salary 20%. In the middle of your
proposal your supervisor leans over to look at your report and spits into
your
coffee.
You:
A. Tell him you take your coffee black.
(b) Ask him if he has any communicable diseases.
(c) Show him who's in command; promptly take a piss in his "In"
basket.
(d) Take a sip and comment how much better it tastes.
You are at a business lunch when you are suddenly overcome with an
uncontrollable desire to pick your nose. Since this is definitely a no-no,
you:
A. Pretend to wave to someone across the room and with one
fluid motion, bury your forefinger in your nostril right up
to the 4th joint.
(b) Get everyone drunk and organize a nose picking contest with a
prize to the one who makes his nose bleed first.
(c) Drop your napkin on the more...

The preacher's wife was making Sunday dinner.
When the preacher walked in the house and says "that ham smells wonderful."
His wife replies "That's a Dam-Ham."
The preacher was surprised by his wifes use of profanity. She showed him the wrapper and explained that was the brand name of the ham.
They sat down for dinner and the preacher says to his son, "Son, pass me the dam-ham."
His son replies, "that's the spirit, Pop, now pass me the fucking potatoes!"

Keep this in mind the next time you either hear or are about to repeat a rumor!
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was well known for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who said excitedly, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of our students?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say.. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, more...

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the
Pearly Gates.
“In honor of this holy season, ” Saint Peter said, “you must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into Heaven. ”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He
flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.
“You may pass through the Pearly Hates, ” Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, “They’re bells”. Saint Peter said, “You may
pass through the Pearly Gates. ”
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just
what do those symbolize? ”
The man replied, “They’re Carol’s. ”

14 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR
Pass My Shotgun
Psychotic Mood Shift
Perpetual Munching Spree
Puffy Mid-Section
People Make Me Sick
Provide Me with Sweets
Pardon My Sobbing
Pimples May Surface
Pass My Sweatpants
Pissy Mood Syndrome
Plainly; Men Suck
Pack My Stuff
Permanent Menstrual Syndrome

There's this guy, and he's just bought a new car, so he wants to take it into the country to see how fast it can go. Now, he gets it up to about 80 miles per hour when this chicken runs up beside him and starts to pass him. The guy cranks up the speed to 90 mph, and same as before, the chicken starts to pass him. So he gets his speed up to 100 miles per hour, and the chicken veers off to the right.

The guy screeches to a halt, backs up, and then follows the chicken down a small country road. After quite some time, the guy comes across a small farm. He sees a farmer working in the fields.

He gets out of his car and walks over to the farmer and says "Is that your chicken?"

"You bet that's my chicken," replies the farmer.

"How does it go so fast?" asks the guy.

"Why, it's got three legs, that's why."

The guy looks at the farmer strangely. "Why does it have three more...