Pastor Jokes / Recent Jokes

In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. This is reserved for the Pastor and his housekeeper.
One day the pastor invited his new young assistant pastor to have dinner at the rectory. While being served, the young pastor noticed how shapely and lovely the housekeeper was and down deep in his heart he wondered if there was more between the pastor and the housekeeper.
After the meal was over, the middle-aged pastor assured the young priest that everything was purely professional...that she was the housekeeper and cook and that was that.
About a week later the housekeeper came to the pastor and said "Father, ever since the new assistant came over for dinner I cannot find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?"
The Pastor said, "Well, I doubt it but I'll write him a letter." So he sat down and wrote, "Dear Father, I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle and I'm not saying you more...

It seems a pastor from Maine skipped services one Sunday to go bear hunting in the mountains. As he turned the corner along the path, he and a bear collided. The pastor stumbled backwards, slipped off the trail, and began tumbling down the mountain with the bear in hot pursuit. Finally the pastor crashed into a boulder, sending his rifle in one direction and breaking both legs.
As the bear closed in, the pastor cried out in desperation, "Lord, I'm sorry for what I have done. Please forgive me and save me Lord, please make that bear a Christian."
Suddenly the bear skidded to a halt at the pastor's feet, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and said, "God, bless this food which I am about to receive."

One day a man called the church office. He said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?"

The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm sorry, who?"

The man said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?"

She said, "Well, if you mean the pastor, then you may refer to him as' Pastor,' or' Brother,' but you may certainly not refer to him as the' head hog at the trough!"

To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving $10, 000 to the building fund....."

To this the secretary quickly responded "Hang on, the big fat pig just walked in."

At a local church in a town not so far away, a pastor was holding a couples seminar, in which people could join a club that met every week.
However, the only requirement to get in is that the couple has to restrain from sex for a month.
At the starting day the pastor only gets three couples to sign up; he tells those three couples about the no sex for a month rule, and they all agree.
ONE MONTH LATER...
The first couple walks into the church and says it was hard, but they made it.
The second couple walks in and says it was difficult, but they made it.
Then the third couple walks in and says well....
"What the pastor said, my wife bent over to pick up some salad and I had to nail her on the spot!"
The pastor, shocked and upset, says, "I'm sorry, but you can't be allowed into this couples club,"
Then the boyfriend said, "Eehhh, that's alright, we aren't allowed in Jewel either!"

One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, "Good morning son." "Good morning pastor" replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked. "Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service", replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque. Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?"

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor goes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The old man replies, "No problem at all, Pastor."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.
The pastor goes to the middle aged couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the pastor.
The pastor then goes to the newlywed couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain more...

/Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor goes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The old man replies, "No problem at all, Pastor."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.
The pastor goes to the middle aged couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the pastor.
The pastor then goes to the newlywed couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain more...